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Jordan Sonnenblick

Jordan Sonnenblick Books

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After Ever After

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“And maybe this whole thing has taught me something else about what kindness is for. Because, looking back at this year, I still basically did fail when I tried to protect everybody. But that doesn't mean my efforts didn't matter. Maybe kindness spreads slowly, and even fails for a while, but then sort of seeps through again and keeps moving outward, until you suddenly find yourself surrounded by a ring of fellow hamster owners who used to be your enemies.”

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Book:The Secret Sheriff of Sixth Grade
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“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”

IfsShouldMotherFatherParentStreetsStandingTeethDiscussionFiringChargingLaunchingGrenadeMortarDrivewayBazookas
Book:Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie
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“This was the kid who used to toddle over to my bed at 6 o’ clock in the morning every weekend morning to pull on my blankets so I’d get up and watch cartoons with him. This was the kid who once made me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for an hour straight, until I thought my hands were going to fall off from slamming down those dumb little levers to make the hippos’ heads move. This was the kid who had spent an entire days at a time begging me to play Chutes and Ladders with him. And now he was feeling too sick to play with me.”

LittlesMadePlayFeelingsHandsKidsMovingUsedFallHoursWatchesMorningBedSickHungryGet UpDumbClockWeekendCartoonLaddersBlanketBeggingLeversHippo
Author:Jordan Sonnenblick
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“I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now. Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?”

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Author:Jordan Sonnenblick
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“Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK? Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right? Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup. Eeeeeeewwwww!”

WantCareRememberBoysKissingJokesLipsTake CareMessMakeupNurseComplaintsBuddy
Book:Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie
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“Finally the kitchen clock said 5:17. It was time to roll out. I shouted for my mom, woke Jeffrey up, ran upstairs, changed into my concert clothes, put on my shoes, and was standing by the door to the garage by 5:19—chanting “Let’s go! Come on!” (Feel free to try that at home, by the way; moms love it!)”

WayFeelsTryingSaidHomeDoorsChangedMomClothesStandingShoesMy MomClockRanKitchenConcertsGarageUpstairsChantingLove Mom
Book:Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie
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“A typical weeknight when he was home like this: 1. Sit down and try to do homework. 2. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Please play with me!” 3. Ignore brother, try to do homework. 4. Get interrupted by Jeffrey: “Come ON, Steven! I’m BORED!” 5. Beg Jeffrey for five minutes of peace. 6. Get begged for five minutes of play: “Steven, you never, ever play with me—ever!” 7. Move entire homework operations center to different room. 8. Repeat steps #1-7 as directed by small drugged maniac.”

TryingDifferentPlayHomeMovingRoomsStepsFiveMinutesBrotherPleaseDown AndBoredOperationsRepeatsTypicalFive MinutesHomeworkInterruptedManiacs
Book:Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie
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“Not fair? Oh, I'm sorry I get this lovely laptop computing device when all you get is the ability to walk, control your hands, and know you'll survive until your eighteenth birthday." Then the kid was going, "Uh, I didn't mean..." But Tad wasn't done yet. While the whole class watched in horror, he put his hands through the metal support braces on the arms of his wheelchair and forced himself to stand up. Then he took a shaky little step to the side, gestured toward the chair, and said, "Why don't you take a turn with the laptop? You can even have my seat.”

KnowsMeanLittlesSaidDoneWholeHandsKidsTurnsSidesAbilityWalksStepsClassSupportArmsHorrorFairsSorryLovelySeatsChairsDevicesMetalsI'm SorryLaptopsNot FairComputingWheelchairsBraces
Author:Jordan Sonnenblick
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“He said he "admired our courage" but didn't want to see us do anything to "damage our promising futures." He felt "proud as an American" that we had "exercised our right to peaceful free expression." But if we did it again, he didn't "know what action the state board of education might take against individual students." Translation: You've had your fun. Now sit down, shut up, and take the freakin' test. Or else.”

IfsKnowsWantSaidStatesMightActionIndividualFunFeltStudentsExpressionProudTestsPeacefulBoardsDamageShut UpTranslationsFree ExpressionBoard Of Education
Author:Jordan Sonnenblick
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“Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.' 'What?' 'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?' 'You don't have plants, Tad.' 'I know. I just always wanted to say that.”

KnowsNeedsWantedAsksWaterLordGoneOne ThingEmotionalMomDadPromisePlantMy DadMy MomMy SisterPromise MeMailman
Author:Jordan Sonnenblick
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“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?' 'Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.' 'So what were you guys talking about?' 'Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.' 'There's another kind?' Lindsey asked. 'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”

IfsKnowsNeedsWellsKindMeanSaidGuyTalkingRecordsMomProveEvidenceLet MeComplicatedGladTricksHeyHatsDiscussingYour MomRetardedInterrupting
Book:After Ever After
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