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Sloane Crosley Quotes

Writer

Sloane Crosley is an American writer born on August 3, 1978. Her works are known for their humor and unique perspective, mainly focusing on personal experiences and everyday life.

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All Ifs Thinking People Knows Refreshing Book Quotes Books Sloane Crosley Grief I Was Told There D Be Cake World Feels Want Writing New York Way Girl School Littles Persons

Famous Sloane Crosley Quotes

“Ladies. Large masses of girls are often prone to this salutation. I hate being mollified with this unsolicited "ladies" business. I know we're all women. I am conscious of my breasts. Do I have to be conscious of yours as well? Do men do this? Do they go, "Men: Meet for ribs in the shed after the game. Keg beer, raw eggs, and death metal only." I would imagine not.”

Knows Men Wells Hate Girl Games Imagine Mass Conscious I Hate Beer Breasts Eggs Metals Shed Refreshing Ribs Kegs Salutations Death Metal

Book:I Was Told There'd Be Cake

Source: I Was Told There'd Be Cake

“Hey there.' I cleared my throat. 'How are you?' I'm engaged!' Incidentally, this is an unacceptable answer to that question.”

Answers Hey Engaged Throat Refreshing

Book:I Was Told There'd Be Cake

Source: I Was Told There'd Be Cake

“If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.”

Ifs Asks Land Love You Wine Dinner Being Alone Being Single Refreshing

Book:How Did You Get This Number

Source: How Did You Get This Number

“It takes a level of creative depression to hear 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' and weep.”

Girl Fun Levels Creative Having Fun Refreshing

Book:How Did You Get This Number

Source: How Did You Get This Number

“You know what they say: 'Why sit at a table that doesn't have key lime pie on it if you don't have to?'”

Ifs Knows Keys Tables Pie Refreshing Limes

Author:Sloane Crosley

“I love to bake, so I made vanilla bean and blueberry muffins for sick hospital children. Just kidding! All of that is true except the sick children part.”

Children Made Sick Hospitals Beans Refreshing Vanilla Muffins Blueberries Sick Children

Author:Sloane Crosley

“I think the rule of thumb should be this: if you preface a sentence about a friend with the phrase, 'I love X, but... ' more than once in any conversation, you should stop hanging out with them.”

Ifs Thinking Should Conversation Sentences Phrases Hanging Out Thumbs Refreshing

Author:Sloane Crosley

“There's already a marriage clock, a career clock, a biological clock. Sometimes being a woman feels like standing in the lobby of a hotel, looking at the dials depicting every time zone in the world behind the front desk - except they all apply to you, and all at once.”

World Feels Sometimes Behinds Careers Fronts Standing Clock Zone Hotel Desks Being A Woman Refreshing Time Zones Biological Clock Front Desk

Author:Sloane Crosley

“There's an 'Everything must go!' emotional liquidation feel to the end of your twenties, isn't there? What will happen if we turn thirty and we're not 'ready?' You don't feel entirely settled in any aspect of your life, even if you are on paper.”

Ifs Feels Ends Happens Turns Emotional Ready Paper Aspect Twenties Thirty Not Ready Refreshing Everything Must Go

Author:Sloane Crosley

“As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you ‘can only take in small doses.’”

People Feels Should Grows Growing Up Like You Instance Invites Fewer Dose Refreshing

Author:Sloane Crosley

“I thought I'd had another few decades before my noise complaint years.”

Years Decades Noise Complaints Refreshing

Book:I Was Told There'd Be Cake

Source: I Was Told There'd Be Cake

“As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge.”

Knows Art Stills States Doctors Definitions Ridiculous Imperfect Adulthood Liver Refreshing Cleansing Kidneys

Author:Sloane Crosley

“Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.”

Want Kind Moments Yeah Dancing Crush Imperfect Adulthood Exes Salad Forks Unrequited Refreshing Ex Boyfriend Spleen

Author:Sloane Crosley

“You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.”

Thinking Way Feels Trying Reason Culture Effort Smell Imperfect Adulthood Refreshing

Author:Sloane Crosley

“Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed.”

Sometimes Girl Realizing Streets Fronts New York Walking Balls Golf Imperfect Adulthood Thighs Refreshing Golf Ball

Author:Sloane Crosley

“Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?”

Sleep Towns Imperfect Adulthood Refreshing Getting Laid

Book:I Was Told There'd Be Cake

Source: I Was Told There'd Be Cake

About the Author

Born: August 3, 1978
Known for: Writer
Quotes: 196

Books & Sources

I Was Told There'd Be CakeRelated source material

I Was Told There'd Be Cake: EssaysRelated source material

Grief Is for PeopleRelated source material

How Did You Get This NumberRelated source material

Baby Mammoth Mummy: Frozen in Time (Special Sales Edition): A Prehistoric Animal's Journey into the 21st CenturyRelated source material

How Did You Get This Number: EssaysRelated source material

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