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Adults Quotes

Browse 2979 quotes about Adults.

Adults Quotes

“Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.”

Humor Funny Food Adults Cooking Culinary Cheese Cheesy Macaroni Macaroni And Cheese Grilled Cheese Blue Cheese

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.”

People Ifs Humor Funny Fun Hell Adults Get Up Having Fun Slides

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time.”

Humor Funny Life Is Adults Forgotten Remembered Life Is Like

Author:Dylan Moran

“If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.”

Ifs Humor Funny Hurt Adults Dresses Planning Halloween

Author:Lewis Black

“They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.”

Looks Kind Humor Funny Film Adults Heavy Features Thick Cartoon Cigar Pussy Exploding

Author:Jim Norton

“When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a poet, it's all about love and pain, but if you're a kid it's, "Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?"”

Ifs Knows Writing Littles Doe Play Humor Kids School Funny Pain Song Poet Adults Rhyme Sharks Love And Pain

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother.”

Children Littles Humor Kids Today Funny Faces Mother Parent Views Modern Baby Humorous Adults Excellence Starting Cards Trends Exposed Womb Eighty Wallets

Author:Dave Barry

“Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.”

“I made stupid decisions as a kid, or as a young adult, but I'm trying to be now, I'm trying to take this lemon and make lemonade.”

Trying Made Kids Funny Young Decision Stupid Adults Young Adult Lemons Lemonade Make Lemonade Stupid Decision

Author:Kevin Mitnick

“There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.”

Source: America

“Acting is a masochistic form of exhibitionism. It is not quite the occupation of an adult.”

Funny Form Actors Acting Humorous Adults Occupation Masochism Masochistic Actors And Acting Exhibitionism

Author:Laurence Olivier

“Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”

Children Wisdom Funny Happiness Conditions Adults Imaginary Valentine Inner Happiness Funny Valentines Day Funny Valentine Funny Valentines Day Card Happiness Now Cute Funny Valentines Day

Author:Thomas Szasz

“Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.”

Humans Funny Race Car Despair Adults Climate Change Human Race Bike Bicycle Cycling Biking Riding A Bicycle Bike Riding

Author:H. G. Wells

“Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.”

Kind Funny Girl Realizing Behinds Worst Baby Behavior Adults Female Thirds Leaving Feminist Witty Sabotage This Girl Bossypants Dumpsters

Book:Bossypants

Source: Bossypants

“It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.”

Humor Funny Turns Easy Comedy Adults Toys Location

Author:Demetri Martin