Best boys & humor Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.”

Trying Has Beens Country Reason Humor Bigs Funny Boys Eating Towns Agriculture Country Boy

Book:Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Harding

Source: Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Harding

“I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.”

Ifs Thinking Said Humor Funny Remember Girl Boys Dating Prison That Girl Funny Dating

Author:Bill Engvall

“My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.”

Thinking Way Whole Humor Funny Causes Walks Boys Gay Whole Family Like A Boy

Author:Bo Burnham

“I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"”

Years Ideas Humor Funny Hours Simple Boys Air Comfortable Yeah Twelve Conditioning Air Conditioning Sweatshops

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."”

Men Kind Humor Funny Behinds Boys He Man Stores Cigar

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.”

Humor Eye Funny Boys Tests Glasses Ashamed Essays

Author:Woody Allen

“I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."”

Humor Funny Remember Lying Mother Names Boys Mad Who You Are Don't Lie Lie To Me Don't Lie To Me

Author:Bill Cosby

“When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!”

Play Humor School Funny Used Found Boys Wall Bags Peanuts Hold Me Allergies Roulette Russian Roulette

Author:Milton Jones

“A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.”

Thinking Giving Years Humor Funny Fall Boys Baby Birth Needed Britain Tape Mum Amazed Sections Old Woman Giving Birth Baby Boy

Author:Frankie Boyle

“Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!”

Firsts Humor Funny Remember Sex Boys First Time Scared

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!”

Said Humor Wanted Funny Joy Father Born Boys

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.”

Humor Funny Boys Hotel Towels

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !”

Humor Funny Boys Sat Santa Lap Christmas Time

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.”

Humor School Funny Hours Half Boys Watches Wife Minutes Stupid Daughter My Wife My Daughter Public School Bargains

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"”

Years Two Home Humor Funny Girl Behinds Boys Saws Feet Son Walking Yeah Size My Son Genes Twelve Shut Up Gifted Walking Home

Author:Bill Engvall

“I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.”

Humor Kids Funny Answers Boys Altars

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.”

Ifs Knows Humor Funny Next Boys Plans Week Rocks Yeah Indian Islands Rock N Roll Living On Tuesday Rehab Thursday According To Plan

Author:Noel Fielding

“The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.”

Knows Humor School Funny Purpose Boys Ties Belts Accessories Rambo

Author:Noel Fielding

“I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.”

Art Humor Funny Names Boys Fire Painting Museums Kitten

Author:Steven Wright

“When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.”

Littles Helping Humor Funny Hurt Boys Streets Ice Help Me Old Lady Ankles Boy Scout

Author:Steven Wright

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