“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".” WantDoeHumorSeemsFunnyJobsEasyAddKitchenRefrigeratorsAppliancesToastersBlenders Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.” IfsMindHumorFunnyGuyTurnsHotAddHeyHeatHotelOnionsCarrotsTubsHot Tub Author:Mitch Hedberg
“We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".” KnowsMeanShowsHumorFunnyTermJokesAddSugarCdsShow Biz Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.” IfsWantHumorFunnyAnimalCreaturesHorseWingsAddLionsHawksMythical CreaturesPegasus Author:Demetri Martin
“Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'” WantChildrenHumorFunnyArmsAddNoiseInner ChildTreehouses Author:Russell Howard