“I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.” KnowsStillsI CanHumorFunnyUsedKnow HowFireDadSummerMarkMy DadBagsTexasFlipAprons Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.” HumorFunnyFoundStuffMonthsSixMachinesCancerBagsRaysAirports Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."” MenWantSaidHumorFunnyEightStoresApplesBagsClerks Author:Mitch Hedberg
“A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.” BodyHumorFunnyBagsBitesSnakesEmergencies Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!” PlayHumorSchoolFunnyUsedFoundBoysWallBagsPeanutsHold MeAllergiesRouletteRussian Roulette Author:Milton Jones
“Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.” SaidHumorFunnyFoundDrinkTeaPocketsBagsFrankAirportsLuggageTea Bag Author:Frank Carson
“An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."” SaidHumorFunnyPartyBagsPairsInvitedEnglishmenCarolsHolliesIrishmenChristmas PartyKnickersTinselScotsmen Author:Frank Carson
“When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.” HumorFunnyGuyHeardBagsGucciCristiano Ronaldo Author:Frankie Boyle
“One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!” HumorFunnyFeltWifeMy WifeHandleBagsHotelOne Time Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.” TwoHumorFunnyGirlKnownBreakCasesUglyBagsOver YouBagger Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting - they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.” KnowsFeelsLittlesStillsHumorFunnyFoundParentSeriousBrotherEatingCaughtTinyBagsFuneralAirlinePeanutsAllergiesLittle BrotherMy Little Brother Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.” HumorFunnyHungryChairsBagsOne TimeBeansBean Bags Author:George Lopez
“You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.” YearsStillsHumorFunnyGratefulMeatBagsBe Grateful Author:Jim Norton