“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.” HumorWantedFunnyStoresBirthdayCakeCandleFirefighterFunny Food Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That's the worst method. You're up here, and then you see a floating candle. "Oh, no! This place is haunted!" I can't be funny when I'm frightened.” MeanI CanShowsHumorLightFunnyLeftMinutesWorstStageRedMethodClubsFrightenedCandleFloatingRed Lights Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.” IfsHumorBigsFunnyWaterPayStudyTomorrowTestsGasCandleElectricityDaddy Author:Chris Rock
“Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.” KnowsWellsHumorFunnyFireCoupleBlowTricksSecondsCandleFactories Author:Tommy Cooper
“I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.” IfsKnowsWantWholeHumorFunnyRitualCakeCandleGermsMy Birthday Author:Craig Ferguson
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.” PeopleHumorFunnySawsTreeFrontsWalkingShadowStandingWoodsCandleRabbits Author:Steven Wright