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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.”

Ifs Humor Funny Missing Type Fingers Nine

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.”

Ifs I Can Humor Funny Comedy Fingers

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.”

Humor Hands Bigs Funny Fingers Chickens

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!”

Ifs Men Needs Littles Humor Funny Used Hate Missing Like You Couple Draws I Hate Mad Fingers Accidents Stores Turkeys Groceries Messed Up Ham Grocery Stores Fellas Bologna Pastrami

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.”

Humor Funny Easy Fingers Toes Fingers And Toes

Author:Bo Burnham

“It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.”

Way Humor Funny Sound Okay Fingers Puppets Nouns

Author:Demetri Martin

“When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.”

Humor Funny Faces Saws Violence Fingers Knives Realised Wrists Pubs

Author:Noel Fielding

“What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.”

Humor Funny Hours Lines Levels Fingers Enjoyment Throat

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need