“Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.” HumorTodayFunnyWaitingTeamDaughterBaseballFuneralAttending Author:Jerry Coleman
“The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.” StatesEnoughHumorGovernmentFunnyDiesSpendingHolesSatanFuneralConsideringScotlandShovels Author:Frankie Boyle
“We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting - they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.” KnowsFeelsLittlesStillsHumorFunnyFoundParentSeriousBrotherEatingCaughtTinyBagsFuneralAirlinePeanutsAllergiesLittle BrotherMy Little Brother Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.” PeopleWantEndsWholeHumorFunnyThreeTalkingAudienceDown AndKicksNecksFuneralTalking About MeLegit Author:Daniel Tosh
“I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.” HumorFunnyFuneralCockyKleenex Author:Mike Birbiglia