“I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"” PeopleHumorFunnyPastHateSidesToo MuchNew YorkI HateYeahBreadMeatCowsSandwichesCrackersPastrami Author:Mitch Hedberg
“The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.” NeedsSaidHumorFunnyBitsHarderMeatEggsChefWrapsScottishScotchSnacksTasty Author:Bill Bailey
“I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.” ThinkingWantHumorFunnyAmericaAsksFeltSidesRight NowEatingRedFolksAsk MeMeatRestaurantsVegetarianBowlsDishesBroccoliRed MeatWimpsSide Dishes Author:Denis Leary
“"Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"” IfsMenWantYearsWellsEndsHumorFunnyGuyRedOkayPaidYeahAssMeatCoveredFifteenThis GuySweatersFifteen YearsRed Meat Author:Denis Leary
“God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.” YearsLittlesHumorFunnyHateWishHoursI HateMirrorsNakedFatsMeatNew YearMediocreWish YouNew Years Eve Author:Jim Norton
“You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.” YearsStillsHumorFunnyGratefulMeatBagsBe Grateful Author:Jim Norton