“Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis.” ChildrenSometimesHumorPoliticalRealizingOur ChildrenObjectivesAnalysisPolitical HumorFunny BushLaura Author:George W. Bush
“The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town.” HumorFunnyRealizingFateHorrorTownsMiserableCircusRelentlessNew Yorkers Author:Kyle Baker
“The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.” IfsLongHumorFunnyBitsRealizingRateAverageExpectancyGlasgowLife ExpectancyAverage Life Author:Frankie Boyle
“You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."” LooksReasonHumorFunnyHouseEnergyRealizingWatchesToo MuchLike YouRight NowPicksLettersConnectionsNeighborLazyNo ReasonFinding YourselfHostMailBeing LazyLove Connection Author:Jim Gaffigan
“God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.” PeopleKnowsI CanHumorSeemsFunnyUsedGuySidesRealizingTalkingLeaderCrazyStreetsWalkingOne DayConversationProphetManhattanReluctant Author:Marc Maron
“When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.” NeedsHumorFunnyUsedRealizingGrowing UpGrowingDrugDoctorsDealerRobins Author:Robin Williams
“I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.” PeopleLongHumorFunnyAmericaRealizingGoneTroopsAutographsGuantanamoGuantanamo Bay Author:Mike Birbiglia
“I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should be a computer programmer." I said, "You're bad... you should be a caveman."” ShouldSaidHumorFunnyParentRealizingTechnologyDadMetsComputerMy DadProgrammersComputer Programmers Author:Mike Birbiglia
“You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.” MenHumorRealizingDogHorseBetting Author:Karel Capek