“I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!” HumorFunnyThousandSevenSmokePacks Author:Denis Leary
“I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.” HumorFunnyLosesComedySickDollarsSevenCaringPensNot CaringBallpoint PensPaper And Pen Author:Mitch Hedberg
“My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."” NeedsRealHumorFunnyNumbersFourLuckySevenBillionsGamblingDiceHandy Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then."” HumorFunnyLastsTablesSevenDinnerSecondsWeekendMarineToasts Author:Margaret Smith
“Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."” FeelsLooksImportantSelfHumorFunnyGuyLostMonthsDisciplineImportant ThingsSevenFatsFeel GoodPoundsComing OutSelf DisciplineHostageLebanonI Feel GoodSeven Months Author:Denis Leary
“I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.” PeopleWorldYearsHumorFunnyLevelsRoomsComedyMinesSevenFootballerScottish Author:Frankie Boyle
“I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.” IfsThinkingWayYearsPersonsStillsHumorFunnyUsedSpiritGuyWinningSexMillionsWifeHappenedMiracleMathematicsSevenCancerMy WifeMathUsed To BeJealousScrewsSeven YearsPlagueOther GuysBeing JealousNot Jealous Author:Marc Maron
“Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.” IfsTryingWellsHumorFunnyNumbersFiguresSevenSorryNineCall MeI'm SorryHello Author:Katt Williams