“When action grows unprofitable, gather information; when information grows unprofitable, sleep.” HumorActionFunnyGrowsSleepActingInformationLeft Hand Author:Ursula K. Le Guin
“I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.” WantHumorFunnyGirlSleepDatingSincerelyWant To SleepFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.” IfsHumorRunningFunnySleepAnimalSheepCan't Sleep Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.” KnowsSaidHumorWantedFunnyHouseSleepKnow HowWallMy FriendsDamnGravity Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'” HumorFunnyUsedStuffSleepPerfectPocketsEmsPlannersPajamas Author:Demetri Martin
“I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.” ChildrenHumorFunnyUsedSleepNervousElectricBlanketElectric Blankets Author:Woody Allen
“As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'” ThinkingFeelsSoulHumorFunnyTogetherPastSleepBabyBedMouthsDiedYeahLaysComing OutBizarreDeprivationPast LifeSleep Deprivation Author:Adam Ferrara
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser