“I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!” HumorFunnyThousandSevenSmokePacks Author:Denis Leary
“I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!” MenI CanTwoHumorFunnyNineSmokeNecksCigarettePacks Author:Denis Leary
“Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.” HumorFunnyDrugCancerSmokeTumors Author:Bo Burnham
“I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.” ShouldHumorFunnyLinesLaughingSmokePipeIndicators Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.” HomeHumorFunnySmokeAlarmsBatteriesVolt Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.” FeelsI CanTwoBodyHumorFunnyHurtHairSmokeLungsButtocks Author:Dylan Moran
“Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."” PersonsSometimesHumorRunningFunnyNightHoursTroubleLateBusySmellSmokeLazyWeekendShowersMondayFridayFriday NightBeing Lazy48 HoursRunning Late Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"” PeopleEndsMatterFactsHumorBigsFunnyParentLike YouBabyLawyerInsaneHeySmokeTeenagerPotPregnantSpoiledSkatingBig FamiliesRoller Skating Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.” HumorFunnySmokeLazyButtonsAlarmsVinesSnooze Button Author:Tim Vine
“I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"” WantEndsHumorFunnyGuyHateSentencesSmokePotHate Me Author:Mike Birbiglia