“That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.” IfsGivingHumorBigsFunnyJesusSidesBlackSonWalkingRight NowGive MeDiedGladFatsBeerDamnGutsJerusalemFriesFrench FriesCheeseburger Author:Denis Leary
“I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!” SaidHomeHumorFunnyHouseCrazySonIslandsMy SonConey Island Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.” YearsHumorEyeFunnySonGunShirtsMy SonT ShirtBulls Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"” YearsTwoHomeHumorFunnyGirlBehindsBoysSawsFeetSonWalkingYeahSizeMy SonGenesTwelveShut UpGiftedWalking Home Author:Bill Engvall
“On a crowded bus in Israel, a mother was speaking to her son in Yiddish. An Israeli woman reprimanded her. "You should be speaking Hebrew. Why are you talking to him in Yiddish?" The mother answered, "I don't want he should forget he's a Jew."” WantShouldHumorFunnyMotherForgetTalkingSonJewIsraelBusIsraeliCrowdedHebrewYiddishTalking To Him Author:Kirk Douglas