“Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.” ThinkingWayCharacterHumorFunnyGirlGrowsGrowing UpGrowingTenSkinsCombination Author:Tina Fey
“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” LongHumorWould BeFunnyComedyHavensTenCool Status Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.” KnowsNeedsKindSometimesHumorFunnyCarTenSmellMilesEmergenciesBrakeLeversCar Rental Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.” TwoHelpingHumorFunnySweetTenLet MeTeethBottlesDeliciousCandySweet Tooth Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.” NeedsGivingTwoHumorFunnyTenBoatCentsTipping Author:Groucho Marx
“Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.” ThinkingFirstsBookHumorFunnyBrainDoorsDrugThousandTenPerceptionCriticsMeltingHuxleyDoors Of Perception Author:Bill Bailey
“And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".” WorldSaidHumorFunnyPastTypeTenHearingAidsBrandsMatesTwelveBrand NewHearing Aids Author:Billy Connolly
“And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.” IfsMenHumorFunnyGayTenPercentTwentiesChosenChineseKneesOddsFree Time Author:Bo Burnham
“Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"” BookHumorFunnyCommunityCollegeTenLet MeDollarsDiscoCommunity College Author:Chris Rock
“Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.” YearsStillsHumorFunnyTenAccidentsDisappointedChernobyl Author:Jimmy Carr
“This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."” MenHumorFunnyBeautifulFallCitiesWifeMinutesTenSittingFalling In LoveMy WifeBeautiful WomenSubwayI Fall In Love Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.” HumorFunnyLastsPastFourWeekTenHorseQuarters Author:Tommy Cooper