“Pat, did you notice yesterday the ACLU, and all the Christ-haters, People For the American Way, NOW, etc. were totally disregarded by the Democrats and the Republicans in both houses of Congress as they went out on the steps and called out on to God in prayer and sang "God Bless America" and said "let the ACLU be hanged"? In other words, when the nation is on its knees, the only normal and natural and spiritual thing to do is what we ought to be doing all the time - calling upon God.” PeopleWaySaidHumorAmericaSpiritualHouseNationsChristNaturalReligiousPrayerStepsOughtCallingRepublicanNormalDemocratCongressPositive AtheismYesterdayKneesThings To DoEtcBlessGod BlessDisregardedGod Bless America Author:Jerry Falwell
“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.” IfsHumorFunnyFlightMagazinesThings To DoPlums Author:David Cross
“I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"” PeopleKnowsTwoHumorFunnyLinesForgetFrontsStandingOkayMachinesThings To DoSecondsCashForget ItFree Time Author:Jim Gaffigan
“She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'” HumorCareFunnyMotherCausesParentNiceMomMonthsDadMadSorryNakedThings To DoGirlfriendMailMy GirlfriendNice ThingsFuriousMessed UpI Am So Sorry Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'” IfsWellsLittlesHumorBigsFunnyBest ThingsThings To DoFrightenedLeprechaun Author:Craig Ferguson