“When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.” ThinkingHumorFunnyBrainComedyThirdsMilesSnapsFlyers Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“I have always employed humor, and I think it’s absolutely crucial that we do because, among other things, humor is the only free emotion. I mean, you can compel fear, as we know. You can compel love, actually, if somebody is isolated and dependent — it’s like the Stockholm syndrome. But you can’t compel laughter. It happens when two things come together and make a third unexpectedly. It happens when you learn something, too.” KnowsMeanTwoHumorHappensTogetherEmotionLaughterThirdsTwo ThingsLove Actually Author:Gloria Steinem
“I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"” WayTryingTwoEndsHumorFunnyHateLinesThirdsI HateArrowsTriangles Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.” HumorFunnyBaseballThirdsEyeballs Author:Jerry Coleman
“Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.” HumorFunnyFairsBaseballThirdsTerritory Author:Jerry Coleman
“All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.” TryingHardHumorKidsFunnyTalkingMy FriendsThirdsYeahGirlfriendAbortionYour GirlfriendFinesseConsecutive Author:David Cross
“I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."” KnowsShouldI CanTwoHumorFunnyTogetherStuffLosesBreakForeverCuttingRocksFinePaperThirdsDestroyedDamageTake MeBentBreak ThroughBack TogetherDynamiteScissors Author:Demetri Martin
“Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.” IfsHumorFunnyThreeThirdsMathematicsExpertsAttackingArses Author:Dylan Moran