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Religion Quotes

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Religion Quotes

“There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.”

“O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.”

Helping Funny Religion Lord Pure Humorous Witty Help Me Lord Help Me

Author:Saint Augustine

“The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.”

Humor Funny Religion Heaven Church Atheism Willing Humorous Treasure Cash Treasures In Heaven

Book:The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

Source: The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

“Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.”

Humor Christian Funny Religion Christ Church Humorous Dignity Superiors

Author:H. L. Mencken

“I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.”

“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

Source: Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

“All great truths begin as blasphemies.”

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

Source: Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist

“I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.”

Firsts Religion Girl Religious Atheism Conflict Humorous Atheist Witty Agnostic Religious Conflict

Author:Woody Allen

“Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”

Knows Religion Mass Humorous Catholic Witty Physics Photons Neutrinos

Author:Woody Allen

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”

Has Beens Two Reason Religion Talking Advice Humorous Organized Snakes Organized Religion Nudists

Author:Jon Stewart

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”