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Wish Quotes

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Wish Quotes

“It is not in the power of every one to taste humor, however he may wish it; it is the gift of God! and a true feeler always brings half the entertainment along with him.”

May Humor Wish Half Taste Entertainment Gift From God Feeler

Book:The Works of Laurence Sterne, in One Volume

Source: The Works of Laurence Sterne, in One Volume

“I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.”

Way Littles Play Humor Funny Wish League Little League

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!”

Made Humor Funny Wish Stuff Smell Cologne

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"”

People Long Use Humor Funny Mother Guy Found Wish Hair Drug Daughter Longing Excited Extremes Stranger Smell Cake Associates That Guy Long Hair Flour Drug Use

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"”

Thinking Should Humor Happens Funny Wish Cutting Car Months Presses Things Happen Crap Horns Sidewalk

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.”

Long Humor Funny Hate Wish I Hate Separation Teeth Curvy Flossing

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.”

Needs Humor Funny Wish Easy Bottles Easy To Get

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!”

Humor Funny Hate Wish Let Me I Hate Ems Ku Klux Klan

Author:Chris Rock

“I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.”

Knows Humor Funny Wish Like You Direct Sunlight

Author:Dylan Moran

“My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.”

Thinking Has Beens I Can Helping Humor Funny Wish Dying Dad My Dad Better Off Oxygen

Book:Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?

Source: Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?

“My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.”

Men Humor Funny Courses Father Wish Watches Gold Posts Generous Deathbed Cheques Generous Man Aberdeen

Author:Chic Murray

“God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.”

Years Littles Humor Funny Hate Wish Hours I Hate Mirrors Naked Fats Meat New Year Mediocre Wish You New Years Eve

Author:Jim Norton

“I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.”

Humor Funny Wish Aids Bites

Author:Jim Norton

“I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.”

Humor Funny Wish Closets

Author:Natasha Leggero

“Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.”

Humor Funny Wish Hours Couple Wish You Walt Epcot

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell