“I'm part of the mushball middle. I consider 'confused' the majority position because, thankfully, most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time - even when they're wrong.” PeopleMiddlePositionMajorityConfusedUncertain Author:Al Franken
“I’ve never understood why we would want to deny all the joys - and the challenges - of marriage to anyone. Which is why I think any loving, committed couple — gay or straight — should be able to get married.” ThinkingWantShouldAbleJoyChallengesCoupleGayMarriedUnderstoodCommittedDeny Author:Al Franken
“If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I've got a problem, I should take their advice. And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn't take their advice.” IfsShouldTwoProblemBigsCertainAdviceDoctorsPaidClimateCoalSnacks Author:Al Franken
“If Republicans eliminate Medicare, America will become a country in which you can never retire - and once you physically can no longer work, you are desperately poor until you die.” IfsCountryAmericaDiesPoorRepublicanRetiringMedicare Author:Al Franken
“If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to have an effect on soldiers and troops who are actually going to believe that and it's wrong. It's just wrong.” IfsBelieveForceComedyEffectsSoldierTroopsArmed Forces Author:Al Franken
“If you use Facebook - as I do - Facebook in all likelihood has a unique digital file of your face, one that can be as accurate as a fingerprint and that can be used to identify you in a photo of a large crowd.” IfsUseFacesUsedUniqueCrowdsDigitalYour FaceAccurateFilesLikelihoodFingerprintsLarge Crowds Author:Al Franken
“If you want a free email service that doesn’t use your words to target ads to you, you’ll have to figure out how to port years and years of Gmail messages somewhere else, which is about as easy as developing your own free email service.” IfsWantYearsUseEasyFiguresMessagesDevelopingTargetAdsEmailSomewhere ElsePort Author:Al Franken
“In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest. That's bad news for everyone else - and for our democracy itself.” MeanPoliticalDemocracyNewsPolitical SystemsBad News Author:Al Franken
“It is my fondest wish that in the fullness of time, the American people will look back on the Franken presidency as something of a mixed bag and not as a complete disaster.” PeopleLooksWishDisasterBagsPresidencyFullness Author:Al Franken
“It's hard for a liberal to go on between Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, because it's like doing country music after hip-hop. I mean, just, the audience doesn't go from one to the other.” MeanCountryHardAudienceGoes OnHip HopHipsHopsSean Author:Al Franken
“It's hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued by a secret court. Actually, it's impossible to have that debate.” HardSecretOpinionImpossibleProgramCourtDebate Author:Al Franken
“Minnesotans lost their jobs because the credit rating agencies didn't do the only job they're supposed to have, the only job they had, which is to give accurate, objective ratings to financial products.” GivingJobsLostProductsFinancialCreditObjectivesAgencyAccurateRatingMinnesotans Author:Al Franken
“Most Americans don’t think about antitrust law when they look at their cable bill, flip channels on TV, or worry about what their favorite website knows about them. But they should.” ThinkingKnowsShouldLooksLawWorryTvsBillsCablesWebsiteFlipAntitrustAntitrust Laws Author:Al Franken
“My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O'Reilly is kind of a bully, and he's the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground. And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, 'Teacher, sue him.'” KindRunningKidsTeacherDadBillsMy DadBullyPlaygroundsBill O Reilly Author:Al Franken
“My dad didn't graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time.” YearsMadeRealSchoolMomDadHigh SchoolMy DadMy MomGraduatesEstatesPrintingSalesmanPart TimeGraduating High School Author:Al Franken
“My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren't rich - but we felt secure.” TwoSchoolHouseFeltRichDadHigh SchoolMy DadSecureParksBedroomBathsPrintingSalesmanMinnesota Author:Al Franken
“My parents didn't make a lot of money. My dad was not a high school graduate - he didn't have a career as such; he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.” SchoolParentCareersDadHigh SchoolMy DadGraduatesLots Of MoneyPrintingSalesmanWorking LifeGraduating High School Author:Al Franken
“My parents were really political. The news was very important in our home. We basically had dinner every night while watching the news, and then we'd discuss it with our parents.” ImportantHomePoliticalNightParentNewsDinnerEvery Night Author:Al Franken
“My views about God come from my dad. Dad told me that he believed Nature, which to him included humankind, to be so beautiful, so magnificent, that there had to be something behind it all.” BeautifulViewsBehindsDadMy DadHumankindMagnificent Author:Al Franken
“National security laws must protect national security. But they must also protect the public trust and preserve the ability of an informed electorate to hold its government to account.” GovernmentLawAbilitySecurityTrustProtectAccountsPreservesNational SecurityElectoratePublic Trust Author:Al Franken
“Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American society. This is why the Constitution is often called a “living” document.” NeedsLawTechnologyEvolutionExpectationsConstitutionDocumentsAmerican SocietyEvolution Of Technology Author:Al Franken
“Part of the middle class promise is that, after a lifetime of hard work, you'll be able to retire and enjoy the fruits of that labor. Medicare was established to secure that promise.” HardAbleEnjoyClassMiddleHard WorkPromiseLaborLifetimeFruitSecureMiddle ClassRetiringMedicare Author:Al Franken
“People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.” PeopleMadeEnoughValuesCausesLuckyBreathsPropertyFarmsHogVicinity Book:Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them Source: Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
“Ralph Nader is a hero. I know Ralph, and I call him up occasionally. He's helped me out on a couple of occasions when I've given speeches to corporations where he'd have a good... He'd give me some good information.” KnowsGivingGivenInformationCoupleHeroSpeechGive MeOccasionsCorporationsGood Information Author:Al Franken
“Some of George W. Bush's friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial. But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. 'That worked for everyone else,' God said.” BelieveSaidPresidentCollegeVoteTrialsChosenAlsBelieve In GodGoreElectoral CollegePopular Vote Book:Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them Source: Lies: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
“Some of my colleagues seem more interested in using every procedural method possible to keep the Senate from doing anything than they are in creating jobs or helping Americans struggling in a difficult economy.” HelpingSeemsJobsDifficultStruggleEconomyCreatingMethodSenateColleaguesCreating Jobs Author:Al Franken
“Sometimes if I tell people, 'I'm afraid that I'm really a fraud,' or 'I have a lot of self-doubt,' they go, 'Oh, no, you're kidding.' I go, 'No, I'm really honest.'” PeopleIfsSelfSometimesDoubtHonestFraudSelf-doubt Author:Al Franken
“Technology is an incredible tool - it connects people to each other, creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.” PeopleWorldJobsMillionsTechnologyEasierToolsIncredibles Author:Al Franken
“The civil rights movement was very important in my house, and then Vietnam was very important 'cause there were two boys, so I came of age during a very heated political climate.” TwoImportantAgePoliticalHouseCausesBoysRightsMovementClimateCivil RightsVietnamCivil Rights Movement Author:Al Franken
“The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of limited powers - one that would protect Americans' liberty at all times - both in war, and in peace.” WarLibertyRightsProtectConstitutionBillsCarefulAll TimeFoundersBill Of Rights Author:Al Franken
“The government must give proper weight to both keeping America safe from terrorists and protecting Americans' privacy. But when Americans lack the most basic information about our domestic surveillance programs, they have no way of knowing whether we're getting that balance right. This lack of transparency is a big problem.” WayGivingProblemBigsGovernmentAmericaKnowingInformationBalanceSafeProgramWeightTerroristPrivacyTransparencySurveillanceBig Problems Author:Al Franken
“The institutions that we've built up over the years to protect our individual privacy rights from the government don't apply to the private sector. The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations. The Freedom of Information Act doesn't apply to Silicon Valley. And you can't impeach Google if it breaks its 'Don't be evil' campaign pledge.” IfsYearsGovernmentEvilIndividualBreakRightsInformationProtectBuiltInstitutionsCampaignsCorporationsPrivacyValleysAmendmentsFourthGooglePledgePrivate SectorSiliconSilicon ValleyFourth Amendment Author:Al Franken
“The Medicare Part D prescription drug bill, which might be the most corrupt piece of legislation in history, was a huge giveaway of taxpayer funds to the big pharmaceutical companies.” BigsMightCompanyPiecesHugeDrugBillsFundLegislationTaxpayersPrescriptionsMedicarePharmaceuticalPrescription DrugsPharmaceutical Companies Author:Al Franken
“The Minnesotans I talk to are really concerned about what the future holds for their families. They're trying to pay for health care and send their kids to college, they're worried about declining home values, they're scared for a loved one they have serving in Iraq.” TryingHomeCareKidsValuesPayCollegeConcernedIraqScaredHealth CareWorriedServingLoved OnesMinnesotans Author:Al Franken
“The next thing I am doing is moving back home to Minnesota and getting involved in politics. I'm looking at a run for Senate in 2008, but in the meantime I am focused on knitting together the progressive network in the upper Midwest.” HomeRunningTogetherMovingNextComedyInvolvedFocusedMoving OnProgressiveSenateLooking BackBack HomeMoved OnKnittingMinnesotaMidwestMoving Back Author:Al Franken
“The reason I wrote political satire was because I thought it - politics - was important... that public policy was important. Then I transitioned into books, then into radio.” ImportantBookReasonPoliticalPolicyRadioSatirePublic PolicyPolitical Satire Author:Al Franken
“The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens.” VisionBalanceCitizensRepublicanBonesVulnerableRadicalBudgetsAgendasMedicaid Author:Al Franken
“The thing that interests me least about the radio business is the radio business. But I've had to learn a little bit about it. It's not rocket science: You get ratings, that's good.” LittlesBitsInterestLittle BitRadioRocketsRatingRocket Science Author:Al Franken
“The way I see it, I'm not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I'm going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.” WayStatesDemocraticSenatorsMinnesota Author:Al Franken
“There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. - you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong, tend to be people who didn't take S.A.T.s, or first-time voters, or people with English as a second language.” PeopleWayFirstsLanguageFirst TimeMarkDemocratCirclesChecksVotersBallots Author:Al Franken
“There's an appeal to the American sense of exceptionalism, that we're morally superior, as way to not be self-critical. I think that's a bit dangerous.” ThinkingWaySelfBitsDangerousCriticalSuperiorsAppealsExceptionalism Author:Al Franken
“There's no comparison between NPR and the propaganda that you hear from Rush or from Sean Hannity, the news movement conservatives that are just laying out, slathering out the disinformation and the lies, as I discuss in my book, 'Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.'” LooksBookLyingMovementNewsFairsPropagandaComparisonLiarsBalancedSeanNpr Author:Al Franken
“To ask whether the mainstream media has a conservative or liberal bias is like asking whether al-Qaida uses too much oil in their hummus. It's - I think they might use too much oil in their hummus - but it's the wrong question.” ThinkingUseMightAsksToo MuchMediaAskingConservativeOilAlsMainstreamBiasMainstream MediaMight UseHummus Author:Al Franken
“Too many people don't protect their smartphones with a password or PIN. I anticipate that Apple's fingerprint reader will in fact make iPhone 5S owners more likely to secure their smartphones.” PeopleFactsReaderProtectSecureApplesOwnersPinsAnticipateIphoneFingerprintsSmartphonesPasswords Author:Al Franken
“Veterans report that service dogs help break their isolation. People will often avert their eyes when they see a wounded veteran. But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, 'Hi' to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation.” PeopleHelpingEyeBreakDogConversationCome UpStrikesIsolationReportsPetWoundedVeteranAvertWounded Veterans Author:Al Franken
“We need to start by having a conversation about climate change. It would be irresponsible to avoid the issue just because it's uncomfortable to talk about.” NeedsWould BeIssuesConversationClimateClimate ChangeUncomfortableIrresponsible Author:Al Franken
“We owe an historic debt to American Indians. They have a unique set of concerns that haven’t been addressed and I’d like to stand with them. Also, I’d like to get their views on immigration.” ViewsHavensUniqueConcernDebtImmigrationIndianHistoric Author:Al Franken
“Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that. I've been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you're under pressure.” PeopleWellsComedyPressureCommunicateProducersComedianUnder Pressure Author:Al Franken
“When a company is able to establish a dominant market position, consumers lose meaningful choices. You might not like that Facebook shares your political opinions with Politico, but are you really going to delete all the photos, all the posts, all the connections - the presence you’ve spent years establishing on the world’s dominant social network?” WorldYearsMightAblePoliticalChoicesSocialLosesCompanyOpinionSharePositionConnectionsMeaningfulPostsConsumersDominantSocial NetworkPolitical Opinions Author:Al Franken
“When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn't exist, and we didn't need to worry about foreign websites illegally distributing the latest TV shows and blockbuster movies online.” NeedsWritingFirstsShowsWorryTelevisionTvsInternetOnlineTv ShowsSeventiesEightyWebsiteBlockbuster Author:Al Franken
