“I don’t know how many of you have been to New York, but if a building is two blocks away from anything, you can’t see it.” IfsKnowsHas BeensTwoKnow HowNew YorkBuildingBlock Author:Al Franken
“If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it'd be a travesty.” PeopleIfsBallotsTravesty Author:Al Franken
“If we have George W. Bush as president, we're going to go back to the kind of policies we had when his father and Ronald Reagan were president.” IfsKindFatherPresidentPolicy Author:Al Franken
“If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.” IfsLooksTerroristSense Of Humor Author:Al Franken
“If you use a cell phone - as I do - your wireless carrier likely has records about your physical movements going back months, if not years.” IfsYearsUseRecordsMovementMonthsPhonesCellsCell PhoneWirelessCarrier Author:Al Franken
“As a source of innovation, an engine of our economy, and a forum for our political discourse, the Internet can only work if it's a truly level playing field. Small businesses should have the same ability to reach customers as powerful corporations. A blogger should have the same ability to find an audience as a media conglomerate.” IfsShouldPoliticalAbilityLevelsPowerfulAudienceEconomyMediaFieldsSourceInternetShould HaveInnovationCustomersCorporationsEnginesDiscourseSmall BusinessPlaying FieldsForumsBloggersPolitical DiscourseLevel Playing Field Author:Al Franken
“I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents, good schools for me to prepare myself for a career, and, if I worked hard and played by the rules, a chance for me to do anything I wanted.” IfsWorldHardWould BeKidsWantedSchoolJobsAmericaFeltParentChanceClassCareersGrowing UpGrowingMiddleMiddle ClassGood School Author:Al Franken
“If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I've got a problem, I should take their advice. And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn't take their advice.” IfsShouldTwoProblemBigsCertainAdviceDoctorsPaidClimateCoalSnacks Author:Al Franken
“If Republicans eliminate Medicare, America will become a country in which you can never retire - and once you physically can no longer work, you are desperately poor until you die.” IfsCountryAmericaDiesPoorRepublicanRetiringMedicare Author:Al Franken
“If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to have an effect on soldiers and troops who are actually going to believe that and it's wrong. It's just wrong.” IfsBelieveForceComedyEffectsSoldierTroopsArmed Forces Author:Al Franken
“If you use Facebook - as I do - Facebook in all likelihood has a unique digital file of your face, one that can be as accurate as a fingerprint and that can be used to identify you in a photo of a large crowd.” IfsUseFacesUsedUniqueCrowdsDigitalYour FaceAccurateFilesLikelihoodFingerprintsLarge Crowds Author:Al Franken
“If you want a free email service that doesn’t use your words to target ads to you, you’ll have to figure out how to port years and years of Gmail messages somewhere else, which is about as easy as developing your own free email service.” IfsWantYearsUseEasyFiguresMessagesDevelopingTargetAdsEmailSomewhere ElsePort Author:Al Franken
“Sometimes if I tell people, 'I'm afraid that I'm really a fraud,' or 'I have a lot of self-doubt,' they go, 'Oh, no, you're kidding.' I go, 'No, I'm really honest.'” PeopleIfsSelfSometimesDoubtHonestFraudSelf-doubt Author:Al Franken
“The institutions that we've built up over the years to protect our individual privacy rights from the government don't apply to the private sector. The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations. The Freedom of Information Act doesn't apply to Silicon Valley. And you can't impeach Google if it breaks its 'Don't be evil' campaign pledge.” IfsYearsGovernmentEvilIndividualBreakRightsInformationProtectBuiltInstitutionsCampaignsCorporationsPrivacyValleysAmendmentsFourthGooglePledgePrivate SectorSiliconSilicon ValleyFourth Amendment Author:Al Franken
“If you control the flow of information, you can control the conversation around important issues. If you can control the conversation, you can change this country.” IfsImportantCountryIssuesInformationConversationFlowImportant Issues Author:Al Franken
“Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!” IfsWantShouldTodayMistakeWrittenShould HaveOkay Author:Al Franken
“I'm a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I'll never stop.” IfsMaking ChangesPerfectionist Author:Al Franken
“It's not preppies, cause I'm a preppie myself. I just don't like homosexuals. If you ask me, they're all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.” IfsAsksCausesGladHeyAsk MeHomosexualPhiladelphiaPudding Author:Al Franken
“I think if you're going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit, that he armed the Mujahideen, that he armed Saddam, that he armed Iran, that he armed two-thirds of the Axis of Evil, and that he funded terrorists in Central America. He was, in my mind, a terrible president.” IfsThinkingMindTwoFactsAmericaEvilPresidentHugeTerribleThirdsTerroristIranSaddamDeficitAxesCentral AmericaMujahideen Author:Al Franken
“If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want. You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.” IfsWantSecretTenCan't ChangeHacksFingerprintsPasswords Author:Al Franken
