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Augusten Burroughs

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“I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. 'Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal', I told myself.”

WantSchoolMotherHateDramaNormalConsequenceCrisisFingersMessEnjoyedWant SomethingIntriguedNormal Life
Book:Running with Scissors: A Memoir
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“While I liked hamsters, too, the Habitrail cage was expensive. Even I could see that the interconnecting boxes, tubes, and spheres could easily bankrupt a family and lead to addiction later in life. Because, how would you know when to stop? How could you stop? An entire city could be built with a Habitrail.”

KnowsCitiesBuiltAddictionBoxesExpensiveSpheresCagesTubesLater In LifeHamsters
Book:A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father
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“I gazed around the room and my eyes stopped dead on a little boy standing in the corner. This was a particularly eerie doll. Life-sized and blond-haired and blue-eyed. I saw a little Nazi boy, pockets probably stuffed with scissors and retractable blades. My grandfather on my mother's side was rumored to be half Jewish, which practically makes me Jerry Seinfeld's brother, and thus wary of blond German boys with their hands out of sight.”

LittlesHandsEyeMotherSidesRoomsHalfBoysSawsBrotherStandingSightBlueCornersPocketsGrandfatherNaziBladesMy GrandfatherDollsLittle BoysJerryEerieScissorsBlue Eyed
Book:Possible Side Effects
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“Maybe it was a Patty Hearst thing. Stockholm syndrome or whatever it's called when you're being held against your will but then you become sucked in and fall in love. Or if not exactly love, you fall into something you can't see out of. 'I can't shoot a machine gun' becomes 'Hey, this hardly has any kick-back!”

IfsI CanFallLove YouGunMachinesFalling In LoveHeyKicksSyndromesMachine GunsStockholmStockholm Syndrome
Book:Running With Scissors
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“My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact, the police academy discourages this. They feel your gun should rarely, if ever, be brought out of its holster. Most certainly not when children are involved, which is exactly when I saw myself using my gun most often. A truant teenager loitering outside a movie theater is going to be far more motivated to return to school when he has the barrel of a .45 pressed against his cheek.”

IfsFeelsShouldChildrenFactsHandsSchoolSawsReturnInvolvedGunTheaterPoliceInstinctTeenagerMotivatedCheeksAcademyDiscouragingBarrelsMovie TheaterPolice Academy
Author:Augusten Burroughs
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“The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn't speak for an entire week because he didn't like the way I loaded his dishwasher...I can't decide if we're exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is.”

IfsKnowsWayI CanReasonFactsHateFightingSpeakRealizingDifferencesWeekCrazyMy FriendsOppositesBoresMinorsSmallestLoadedHate MeCosmeticsHate HimRare ThingsDishwashers
Author:Augusten Burroughs
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“Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I mean, don’t be the paralyzed person in the bed who is waiting to walk again. Realize, it’s never gonna happen. And find some other way to get around –swing from a vine, get a Mad Max wheelchair. Anything but…wait.”

WayMeanPersonsHappensWaitingRealizingWalksAcceptingBedMadEndureHarmDamageSwingsSevereMaxVinesParalyzedWheelchairsMad Max
Author:Augusten Burroughs
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“Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers.”

LyingParentBornCouplePaperCancerDinnerStuckChristmasDisabilityCakeCandleSupermarketsMy BirthdayWrappingLeftoversWrapping PaperDay After Christmas
Book:You Better Not Cry: True Stories for Christmas
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“It was unnerving, the way she could go from cool efficiency to sarcastic to sweet within the space of thirty seconds. I found it very manipulative and controlling. It put the other person constantly on-guard. And it was extremely intimidating because you never knew when she was going to snap. I made a mental note to refine these skills within myself.”

WayPersonsMadeFoundSpaceSweetSkillsNotesThirtySarcasticSecondsEfficiencyIntimidatingSnapsManipulative
Book:Take Five: Four Favorite Essays Plus One Never-Been-Seen Essay: Four Favorite Essays Plus One Never-Been-Seen Essay
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