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David Letterman

David Letterman Quotes

Talk show host

David Letterman, born on April 12, 1947, is a renowned talk show host from the United States. Known for his unique humor and sharp interviewing skills, Letterman has long been associated with his late-night show. His program has been beloved by audiences for its in-depth interviews, humorous segments, and the iconic 'Late Show Top Ten' list.

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Famous David Letterman Quotes

“If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been sceptical on this point — if you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now: New York City is the greatest city in the world.”

Ifs World Believe Has Beens Might Easy Cities New York New York City Might Have Been Cities In The World

Author:David Letterman

“Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world.”

People World Humor Funny Moving Interesting Cities Psychology New York Higher Currents New York City Journal Percentages Surveys Abnormal Cities In The World Abnormal Psychology

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.”

Cities Fronts New York Example Bird Tradition Train New York City Thanksgiving Frozen Turkeys New Yorkers Subway Thanksgiving Turkey

Author:David Letterman

“It was so cold in New York City today that the Statue of Liberty had her torch under her dress.”

Today Cities Liberty New York Cold Dresses New York City Statues Torches Statue Of Liberty

Author:David Letterman

“I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch.”

Running Hours Race Cities New York New York City Marathon Couches Hamstrings

Author:David Letterman

“New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.”

People World Moving Numbers Cities Comedy New York New York City New Yorkers City Life Great Cities Cities In The World New You Old New York

Author:David Letterman

“Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS?”

Wells Running Cities New York Television Illegal New York City Weasels Vipers Jackals Dingoes

Author:David Letterman

“Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.”

Two Humor Funny Three Cities Worry Study Heard New York Train Flesh Wounds Hey Phrases New York City Taxi

Author:David Letterman

“This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.”

Trying Cities New York Doctors Fingers Department New York City Fraud Warning Suspicious Temperature Doctor Who

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38.”

Cities New York Gun Possession These Days Pockets Priests New York City Arrested

Author:David Letterman

“I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City. Tough summer out there, but I was pretty excited. I found what I thought at the time was a very rare seashell. And I took it to a friend of mine who works in a museum. And I was really disappointed. It turned out to be just a human ear.”

Inspirational Humans Found Cities New York Mines Couple Summer Tough Ears Excited Beach Museums Disappointed New York City

Author:David Letterman

“New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?”

Cities New York Internet Train Speed New York City Subway Getting High High Speed

Author:David Letterman

“New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes.”

Knows Mean Used Loses Cities Millions Four New York Vote New York City Rats

Author:David Letterman

“Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn't even have time to finish their catcalls.”

Guy Race Cities Streets New York New York City Mary Marathon Kenya

Author:David Letterman

“There was a flight from Cleveland to New York City with just two people on board. There hasn't been two people on an airplane since the Wright brothers.”

People Two Cities New York Brother Flight Boards New York City Airplane Cleveland Wright Brothers

Author:David Letterman

“Security here in New York City is still very tight. Hookers in Times Square now are demanding two forms of fake ID.”

Stills Two Form Cities Security New York Fake New York City Squares Times Square

Author:David Letterman

“Unusual weather for New York City. Today it was 68 and foggy. No, wait a minute, that's me. I'm sorry, that's me.”

Today Waiting Cities Minutes New York Sorry Weather New York City Unusual I'm Sorry

Author:David Letterman

“Happy Cinco de Mayo. In honor of Cinco de Mayo, mayor Bill de Blasio is filling all New York City potholes with guacamole.”

Cities New York Honor Bills New York City Filling Mayors Potholes Cinco De Mayo Guacamole

Author:David Letterman

“To save energy, New York City is now dimming the lights of the skyscrapers and the skyline at night. There's a bad side to this. If you need Batman, you have to text him.”

Ifs Needs Light Night Energy Sides Cities New York New York City Skyscraper Skylines Saving Energy

Author:David Letterman

“Mayor de Blasio said that whenever he goes to a Yankee game he gets sick and tired of people booing and giving him the finger. Hey, what do you want? You're the mayor of New York City. It comes with the gig, pal.”

People Want Giving Said Games Cities New York Sick Tired Fingers Hey New York City Yankees Gigs Mayors Pals Booing

Author:David Letterman

“Mayor de Blasio wants to eliminate garbage. He believes New York City produces way too much garbage. Well, heck, forget about producing too much garbage. What about late-night talk shows?”

Way Want Believe Wells Shows Night Forget Cities Too Much New York Produce Late New York City Garbage Mayors Talk Shows Late Night

Author:David Letterman

“Right after the show tonight, I'm going to the New York City car show. You get to see the models that will be crashed next year by drunken Secret Service agents.”

Years Shows Next Secret Cities Car New York Models Agents Tonight New York City Next Year Secret Service

Author:David Letterman

“It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.”

Enough Moving Guy President Cities Wife New York Finished New York City President Obama Gridlock

Author:David Letterman

“Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.”

Ifs Want Littles Cities New York New York City Riding Mayors Subway Weasels Ferrets

Author:David Letterman

“Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.”

Cities Car New York Findings Luck Complicated Lawyer Parks New York City Good Luck Restriction Prohibition Parking

Author:David Letterman

“Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.”

Want Use Cities New York Cold Republican New York City Soup Pipeline Keystones Keystone Pipeline

Author:David Letterman

“Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.”

Cities New York Immigration New York City Kate

Author:David Letterman

“We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.”

Littles Home Light Turns Numbers Cities Millions New York Election New York City Rats Midterms Midterm Elections

Author:David Letterman

“Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.”

Ifs Writing Games Walks Cities New York Smoking Weed New York City Tickets Jet Smoking Weed

Author:David Letterman

“A lot of issues were on the ballots. In New York City there was Proposition 14. That would put a ceiling on the number of late-night talk shows. And California passed Proposition 21. That would change guacamole officially to guac.”

Shows Night Numbers Cities Issues New York Late California New York City Propositions Ceilings Ballots Talk Shows Late Night Guacamole

Author:David Letterman

“Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. Republicans won in a landslide.”

Cities New York Republican Yesterday New York City Marathon Landslides

Author:David Letterman

“How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.”

Looks Running Funny Cities Happened New York London Gentleman New York City Olympics Ladies And Gentlemen London Olympics

Author:David Letterman

“I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.”

Shows Today Cities New York News Disappointment Thanks New York City Good News Alex

Author:David Letterman

About the Author

Born: April 12, 1947
Known for: Talk show host
Quotes: 606

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Books & Sources

Late night with David Letterman: the bookRelated source material

Late Night Top Ten ListsRelated source material

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