Quotessence
Home / Authors / Lionel Shriver Books
Lionel Shriver

Lionel Shriver Books

Journalist

Big Brother

A source page for quotes linked to Lionel Shriver.

0 quotes

Related Quotes

“I came to regard my body in a new light. For the first time I apprehended the little mounds on my chest as teats for the suckling of young, and their physical resemblance to udders on cows or the swinging distensions on lactating hounds was suddenly unavoidable. Funny how even women forget what breasts are for. The cleft between my legs transformed as well. It lost a certain outrageousness, an obscenity, or achieved an obscenity of a different sort. The flaps seemed to open not to a narrow, snug dead end, but to something yawning. The passageway itself became a route to somewhere else, a real place, and not merely to a darkness in my mind. The twist of flesh in front took on a devious aspect, its inclusion overtly ulterior, a tempter, a sweetener for doing the species' heavy lifting, like the lollipops I once got at the dentist.”

“What possessed us? We were so happy! Why, then, did we take the stake of all we had and place it all on this outrageous gamble of having a child? Of course you consider the very putting of that question profane. Although the infertile are entitled to sour grapes, it's against the rules, isn't it, to actually have a baby and spend any time at all on that banished parallel life in which you didn't.”

“Pregnancy had seemed a reasonable excuse for letting her metal-smithing tools languish, but that accounted for only eighteen months of the last twenty-six years. Motherhood wasn't the real problem, though it took him a long time to figure out what was. She needed resistance, the very quality that metal most demonstrably offered up. Suddenly Glynis had no difficulty to overcome, no hard artisan's life with galleries filching half the too-small price of a mokume brooch that had taken three weeks to forge. No, her husband made a good living, and if she slept late and dawdled the afternoon away reading Lustre, American Craft Magazine and Lapidary Journal, the phone bill would still get paid. For that matter, she needed need itself. She could overcome her anguish about embarking on an object that, once completed, might not meet her exacting standards only if she had no choice. In this sense, his helping had hurt her. By providing the financial cushion that should have facilitated making all the metal whathaveyou she liked, he had ruined her life. Wrapped in a slackening bow, ease was a poisonous present.”

“Had I catalogued the downsides of parenthood, "son might turn out to be a killer" would never have turned up on the list. Rather, it might have looked something like this: 1. Hassle. 2. Less time just the two of us. (Try no time just the two of us.) 3. Other people. (PTA meetings. Ballet teachers. The kid's insufferable friends and their insufferable parents.) 4. Turning into a cow. (I was slight, and preferred to stay that way. My sister-in-law had developed bulging varicose veins in her legs during pregnancy that never retreated, and the prospect of calves branched in blue tree roots mortified me more than I could say. So I didn't say. I am vain, or once was, and one of my vanities was to feign that I was not.) 5. Unnatural altruism: being forced to make decisions in accordance with what was best for someone else. (I'm a pig.) 6. Curtailment of my traveling. (Note curtailment. Not conclusion.) 7. Dementing boredom. (I found small children brutally dull. I did, even at the outset, admit this to myself.) 8. Worthless social life. (I had never had a decent conversation with a friend's five-year-old in the room.) 9. Social demotion. (I was a respected entrepreneur. Once I had a toddler in tow, every man I knew--every woman, too, which is depressing--would take me less seriously.) 10. Paying the piper. (Parenthood repays a debt. But who wants to pay a debt she can escape? Apparently, the childless get away with something sneaky. Besides, what good is repaying a debt to the wrong party? Only the most warped mother would feel rewarded for her trouble by the fact that at last her daughter's life is hideous, too.)”

“Later these thoughts would come back to haunt me, though I could not have anticipated that your compulsion to manhandle your unruly, misshapen experience into a tidy box, like someone trying to cram a wild tangle of driftwood into a hard-shell Samsonite suitcase, as well as this sincere confusion of the is with the ought to be—your heartrending tendency to mistake what you actually had for what you desperately wanted—would produce such devastating consequences.”

“Still, through a complex combination of optimism and longing and bravado, you would round it up. While a cruder name for this process is lying , one could make a case that delusion is a variant of generosity. After all, you practiced rounding up on Kevin from the day he was born. Me, I’m a stickler. I prefer my photographs in focus. At the risk of tautology, I like people only as much as I like them. I lead an emotional life of such arithmetic precision, carried to two or three digits after the decimal, that I am even willing to allow for degrees of agreeableness in my own son. In other words, Franklin: I leave the $17.”

“I still get plenty anxious. The weird thing, and the unpleasant surprise for me, of proceeding well into the middle, perhaps even post-prime of my career is that writing books has not got any easier. And that doesn't seem fair. I mean, I've been doing it so surely I should be getting better at it, at least a little bit blasé... And it seems to be working absolutely the opposite. This book [Big Brother] I had no confidence in the entirety of its composition, and I only decided I liked it when I finished the very final draft. This means I'm in a state of semi-misery for a long time. And I can't blithely seem either that's some little game I'm playing with myself because, you know, you can easily come along and you don't like what's you're writing for good reason. Right? So, yeah, it's very anxious making, I don't think it's so much the becoming a little more successful, I think it's becoming slightly more aware of how much has already been written, and just becoming less self-impressed as the years go by. More impressed with some people who are better than I am, but... It doesn't wow me that I can write a sentence any more. It has to be a really good sentence. And... I think that's what potentially leads to paralysis in late career, is a kind of killing humility. Politics & Prose Bookstore in Washington, DC, on June 11, 2013”

“Outside, she thought that there ought to be a word for it: the air temperature that was perfectly neither hot nor cold. One degree lower, and she might have felt a faint misgiving about not having brought a jacket. One degree higher, and a skim of sweat might have glistened at her hairline. But at this precise degree, she required neither wrap nor breeze. Were there a word for such a temperature, there would have to be a corollary for the particular ecstasy of greeting it - the heedlessness, the needlessness, the suspended lack of urgency, as if time could stop, or should. Usually temperature was a battle; only at this exact fulcrum was it an active delight.”

“The last thing we want to admit is that the forbidden fruit on which we have been gnawing since reaching the magic age of twenty-one is the same mealy Golden Delicious that we stuff into our children’s lunch boxes. The last thing we want to admit is that the bickering of the playground perfectly presages the machinations of the boardroom, that our social hierarchies are merely an extension of who got picked first for the kickball team, and that grown-ups still get divided into bullies and fatties and crybabies. What’s a kid to find out? Presumably we lord over them an exclusive deed to sex, but this pretense flies so fantastically in the face of fact that it must result from some conspiratorial group amnesia. […] In truth, we are bigger, greedier versions of the same eating, shitting, rutting ruck, hell-bent on disguising from somebody, if only from a three-year-old, that pretty much all we do is eat and shit and rut. The secret is there is no secret. That is what we really wish to keep from our kids, and its supression is the true collusion of adulthood, the pact we make, the Talmud we protect.”

“In the end, that’s what Kevin has never forgiven us. He may not resent that we tried to impose a curtain between himself and the adult terrors lurking behind it. But he does powerfully resent that we led him down the garden path—that we enticed him with the prospect of the exotic. (Hadn’t I myself nourished the fantasy that I would eventually land in a country that was somewhere else?) When we shrouded our grown-up mysteries for which Kevin was too young, we implicitly promised him that when the time came, the curtain would pull back to reveal—what? Like the ambiguous emotional universe that I imagined awaited me on the other side of childbirth, it’s doubtful that Kevin had formed a vivid picture of whatever we had withheld from him. But the one thing he could not have imagined is that we were withholding nothing. That there was nothing on the other side of our silly rules, nothing.”

“El tema del amianto…, a ella le imprime cierto rumbo. Hace que el cáncer parezca algo más importante que una pequeña desgracia personal, que parezca algo más que pura y absurda mala suerte. La conecta con el mundo. Con la historia, con la política, con la justicia. Y entiendo por qué se aferra a eso. Porque creo que ésa es la parte más dura cuando uno enferma, vivir en un universo separado de todos los demás, como exiliado en un país extranjero.”

“—Pero lo más difícil del mundo es llegar a entender lo que «quieres». A mí me parece que eso que has planeado durante tanto tiempo era una enorme crisis existencial. Otra vez el pasado, pinchándole el cuello como una etiqueta con las instrucciones de lavado, y Shep nunca había sido capaz de entender del todo esa palabra. Existencial. —Puede que al final resulte que no quiero nada en especial. —¿Y entonces? ¿Qué harías? ¿Pasarte el día tumbado y dormitando? Mírame a mí. Sinceramente, no es una perspectiva emocionante. Al contrario, sonaba fantástico. Sólo faltaba una hora y veinte minutos para que sonara el despertador. —No puedes disfrutar de este tiempo libre porque es algo impuesto —dijo Shep—. Y porque te sientes fatal. Por eso es precioso el tiempo que tenemos mientras nos sentimos bien. No estoy simplemente desperdiciando mi vida haciendo chapuzas con placas de yeso en Queens. Estoy desperdiciando mi vida mientras tengo salud. Y tú más que nadie deberías apreciar lo injusto que es. Trabajamos como esclavos los pocos años que estamos en condiciones de disfrutar; lo que nos queda son los años de la vejez y la enfermedad. Nos enfermamos a cuenta de nuestro tiempo, y sólo tenemos tiempo libre cuando pesa sobre nosotros, cuando no nos sirve para nada. Cuando ya no es una oportunidad, sino una carga.”

“Il ragazzo è cattivo perché sua mamma è una ubriacona o un rottame. Gli lascia fare quello che vuole. Non gli insegna la differenza tra ciò che è giusto e ciò che è sbagliato. Non è a casa quando torna da scuola. Nessuno dice mai che suo padre è un ubriacone, o che non è a casa quando lui torna da scuola. E nessuno dice che alcuni di questi ragazzi sono solo maledettamente cattivi.”

“It must be this overarching commitment to what is really an abstraction, to one's children right or wrong, that can be even more fierce than the commitment to them as explicit, difficult people, and that can consequently keep you devoted to them when as individuals they disappoint. On my part it was this broad covenant with children-in-theory that I may have failed to make and to which I was unable to resort when Kevin finally tested my maternal ties to a perfect mathematical limit on Thursday. I didn't vote for parties, but for candidates. My opinions were as ecumenical as my larder, then still chock full of salsa verde from Mexico City, anchovies from Barcelona, lime leaves from Bangkok. I had no problem with abortion but abhorred capital punishment, which I suppose meant that I embraced the sanctity of life only in grown-ups. My environmental habits were capricious; I'd place a brick in our toilet tank, but after submitting to dozens of spit-in-the-air showers with derisory European water pressure, I would bask under a deluge of scalding water for half an hour. My closet wafter with Indian saris, Ghanaian wraparounds, and Vietnamese au dais. My vocabulary was peppered with imports -- gemutlich, scusa, hugge, mzungu. I so mixed and matched the planet that you sometimes worried I had no commitments to anything or anywhere, though you were wrong; my commitments were simply far-flung and obscenely specific. By the same token, I could not love a child; I would have to love this one. I was connected to the world by a multitude of threads, you by a few sturdy guide ropes. It was the same with patriotism: You loved the idea of the United States so much more powerfully than the country itself, and it was thanks to your embrace of the American aspiration that you could overlook the fact that your fellow Yankee parents were lining up overnight outside FAO Schwartz with thermoses of chowder to buy a limited release of Nintendo. In the particular dwells the tawdry. In the conceptual dwells the grand, the transcendent, the everlasting. Earthly countries and single malignant little boys can go to hell; the idea of countries and the idea of sons triumph for eternity. Although neither of us ever went to church, I came to conclude that you were a naturally religious person.”

“Era demasiada la atracción que sentía por ella, pero estaba acostumbrado a esa demasía, y si lo único que quedaba era el amor cálido, en el que primaban la estima y la admiración, sin el amor visceral, el indecoroso, sórdido y animal, él se sentiría inferior, el amor puro y altruista también parecería inferior, y la mera bondad lo haría menor, y menos interesante y adictivo. No quería dejar de sentirse atraído por ella. No era fácil de afrontar, pero hacía veintiséis años que no amaba sólo a una mujer. Había amado un cuerpo.”

“Soy de la opinión de que en la ceguera hacia la belleza no hay nada que implique necesariamente una ceguera hacia la fealdad, por la que Kevin ha desarrollado desde siempre una notable sensibilidad. Es muy posible que la existencia de tantos y tan diferentes matices entre lo sórdido y lo exquisito tenga por objeto que ni al espíritu más ruin se le niegue todo refinamiento.”

“―La democracia es una broma. ―Sí. Muy incisivo ―dijo Jackson, satisfecho―. Una buena tesis también. En teoría es posible que el cincuenta y uno por ciento de la población desplume todo lo que puede al otro cuarenta y nueve por ciento. Ese tipo de Venezuela, ¿cómo se llama? Howard Chávez, algo así. Así hace él las cosas. En serio, él sólo envía cheques a los marginados. Les das a los gorrones dinero ajeno y después te votan.”

“No sabía qué era el carácter, ni qué grado de coacción era necesario para que se rompiera y se adaptara a una nueva forma que no se parecía en nada a la persona que la «Familia», los «Amigos íntimos» e incluso los «No tan íntimos» imaginaban haber conocido. Era posible incluso que el «carácter» y la «personalidad», su prima más superficial, fueran sutilezas, meros detalles, caprichos ornamentales de la buena salud, entretenimientos opcionales, como los bolos a los que los enfermos no se podían permitir jugar.”