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Marya Hornbacher

Marya Hornbacher Quotes

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Famous Marya Hornbacher Quotes

“I have never been normal about my body. It has always seemed to me a strange and foreign entity. I don't know that there was ever a time when I was not conscious of it. As far back as I can think, I was aware of my own corporeality, my physical imposition on space.”

ThinkingKnowsI CanBodyMy OwnSpaceStrangeNormalConsciousEntityImposition
Book:Wasted Updated Edition: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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“I developed a deep, abiding fear of jeans, which I still have. I hold my breath and shut my eyes when I pull on a pair in the dressing room, afraid they will now, as then, get stuck at my hips and there I will stand, absurd, staring at the excess of hips that should, if I were a good person, be „slim“.”

IfsShouldPersonsStillsEyeRoomsBreathsStuckAbsurdHipsStaringPairsExcessJeansDressingsGood PersonAbidingSlimDressing Rooms
Book:Wasted Updated Edition: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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“Crazy isn´t always what they say it is. It´s not always the old woman wearing sneakers and a skirt and a scarf, wandering around with a shopping cart, hollering at no one, nothing, tumbling through years in her head. No. Sometimes it is a girl wearing boots and jeans and a sweater, arms crossed in front of her, shivering, wandering through the streets at night, all night, murmuring to no one, nothing, tumbling through the strange unreal dimensions in her head.”

YearsSometimesNightGirlCrazyStreetsFrontsStrangeArmsWanderDimensionsShoppingBootsJeansAll NightUnrealSkirtsOld WomanSweatersCartsThrough The YearsSneakersScarvesMurmuringTumblingWandering AroundStreets At NightShopping Carts
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“People with eating disorders tend to be very diametrical thinkers – everything is the end of the world, everything rides on this one thing, and everyone tells you you're very dramatic, very intense, and they see it as an affectation, but it´s actually just how you think. It really seems to you that the sky will fall if you are not personally holding it up. On the one hand, this is sheer arrogance; on the other hand, this is a very real fear. And it isn't that you ignore the potential repercussions of your actions. You don't think there are any. Because you are not even there.”

PeopleIfsThinkingWorldRealEndsHandsSeemsActionFallOne ThingSkyEatingIntenseDramaticArroganceDisorderThinkerSheerEnd Of The WorldEating DisorderRepercussions
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“I threw up again that night, half-afraid that my eyeballs would explode. But it was, by far, more important that I get rid of dinner. Of course, by then, throwing up was the only way I knew how to deal with fear. That paradox would begin to run my life: to know that what you are doing is hurting you, maybe killing you, and to be afraid of that fact--but to cling to the idea that this will save you, it will, in the end, make things okay.”

KnowsWayImportantIdeasEndsFactsRunningNightCoursesHurtDealsHalfOkayKillingDinnerParadoxThrowingEyeballsThrowing UpHurting You
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“In her presence, I was reminded again of why I was an anoretic: fear. Of my needs, for food, for sleep, for touch, for simple conversation, for human contact, for love. I was an anoretic because I was afraid of being human. Implicit in human contact is the exposure of the self, the interaction of the selves. The self I'd had, once upon a time, was too much. Now there was no self at all. I was a blank.”

NeedsHumansSelfFearSleepSimpleToo MuchConversationContactInteractionBlankBeing HumanExposureOnce Upon A TimeImplicit
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs.”

IfsKnowsWayMindBelieveEndsMatterLaughingEasierPromiseMadnessAgreeExtremesArguingAbsurdKneesBehaveWornWorthlessBipolar
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“When I returned, everything was different. Everything was calm, and I felt very clean. Everything was in order. Everything was as it should be. I had a secret. It was a guilty secret, certainly. But it was MY secret. I had something to hold on to. It was company. It kept me calm. It filled me up and emptied me out.”

ShouldDifferentOrderFeltSecretCompanyFilledCleanCalmGuilty
Book:Wasted Updated Edition: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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“I don't think people realize, when they're just getting started on an eating disorder or even when they're in the grip of one, that it is not something that you just "get over." For the vast majority of eating-disordered people, it is something that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You may change your behavior, change your beliefs about yourself and your body, give up that particular way of coping in the world. You may learn, as I have, that you would rather be a human than a human's thin shell. You may get well. But you never forget.”

PeopleThinkingWorldWayGivingHumansWellsMayBodyBeliefRealizingForgetParticularGiving UpBehaviorEatingMajorityYour BodyNever ForgetAbout YourselfDisorderShellsGet OverRest Of Your LifeCopingEating DisorderGet WellGetting StartedBehavior Change
Book:Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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“All of us carry around countless bags of dusty old knickknacks dated from childhood: collected resentments, long list of wounds of greater or lesser significance, glorified memories, absolute certainties that later turn out to be wrong. Humans are emotional pack rats. These bags define us.”

HumansLongTurnsMemoriesGreaterChildhoodEmotionalAbsolutesListsWoundsCertaintyBagsSignificanceResentmentPacksRatsAbsolute Certainty
Book:Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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“In that six months, so much happened that death seemed, primarily, inconvenient. The trial period was extended. I seem to keep extending it. There are many things to do. There are books to write and naps to take. There are movies to see and scrambled eggs to eat. Life is essentially trivial. You either decide you will take the trite business of life and give yourself the option of doing something really cool, or you decide you will opt for the Grand Epic of eating disorders and dedicate your life to being seriously trivial.”

GivingWritingBookSeemsLife IsHappenedMonthsPeriodsSixEatingTrialsThings To DoEggsDisorderEpicSix MonthsReally CoolNapsEating DisorderExtendingInconvenientScrambled Eggs
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“If I had been a different sort of person, maybe less impressionable, less intense, less fearful, less utterly dependent upon the perceptions of others - maybe then I would not have bought the cultural party line that thinness is the be-all and end-all of goals. Maybe if my family had not been in utter chaos most of the time, maybe if my parents were a little better at dealing with their own lives maybe if I'd gotten help sooner, or if I'd gotten different help, maybe if I didn't so fiercely cherish my secret, or if I were not such a good liar, or were not quite so empty inside... maybe.”

IfsLittlesPersonsDifferentEndsHelpingParentGoalLinesPartySecretPerceptionMy FamilyEmptyChaosIntenseDependentLiarsCherishFearfulImpressionableThinnessPerception Of OthersGood Liar
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“One really ought to be afraid of self-torture. But it tempted me. It begged. The dark place that my mind was fast becoming blends, in my memory, with the dark womb of church: the chant, the fugue of prayer, the strange erotic energy that carving a very small cross into my thigh with a nail had brought.”

MindSelfEnergyChurchMemoriesDarkPrayerStrangeOughtBecomingCrossesTortureInjuryNailsTemptedWombEroticThighsDark PlacesCarvingSelf InjuryFugue
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“[I] learned ... that friends are a good source of food and soul when one has not yet gotten the hang of cooking or living (as opposed to dying) alone. That nothing-not booze, not love, not sex, not work, not moving from state to state-will make the past disappear. Only time and patience heal things. I learned that cutting up your arms in an attempt to make the pain move from inside to outside, from soul to skin, is futile. That death is a cop-out. I tried all of these things.”

SoulStatesPainPastMovingSexCuttingDyingSourceArmsDepressionSkinsCookingIllnessDisappearHealMental IllnessCopOnly TimeBoozeTime And PatienceDying Alone
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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“Recovery isn’t easy, at first. It takes time. It takes more work, sometimes, than you think you’re willing to do. But it is worth every hard day, every tear, every terrified moment. It’s worth it, because the trade-off is this: you let go of your eating disorder, and you get back your life.”

ThinkingFirstsSometimesHardMomentsEasyTearsWillingLetting GoEatingTradeRecoveryGet BackDisorderTake TimeWorth ItTerrifiedEating DisorderIt Takes TimeTrade OffsHard Days
Author:Marya Hornbacher
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