Home / Authors / Thomm Quackenbush

Thomm Quackenbush Quotes

Author

Browse famous quotes by Thomm Quackenbush.

Filter quotes by topic

All Love Death God Religion Sex Kiss Gef The Talking Mongoose Gods Ventriloquism Feminism

Famous Thomm Quackenbush Quotes

“It was a rare time in history when a man chose to believe a girl when doubting her provided a more straightforward narrative.”

Girl History Doubt Feminism Man Narrative

Book:The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

Source: The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“I preach best from a point of penance.”

Remorse Penance Preach

Book:A Creature Was Stirring

Source: A Creature Was Stirring

“Having in our childhood felt primal awe for the spectacle of the holiday, we are told to age into feeling sullen and resentful. You are supposed to proclaim Santa dead like preadolescent Nietzsches and decry the whole month as an orgy of crass commercialism.”

Childhood Awe Cynicism Santa Santa Claus Cynic

Book:A Creature Was Stirring

Source: A Creature Was Stirring

“We may deny the truth of our childhoods while we are living them, but we one day realize the truth of our parents as readily as we do that of Santa. Neither are as perfect as our memories would have them…”

Childhood Memory Santa

Book:A Creature Was Stirring

Source: A Creature Was Stirring

“To have the experience I did as a child, I would have to be a physically different being, one with whom I share nearly nothing. On a cellular level, aside from the neurons of my cerebral cortex and a few other stranglers in my heart and eyes, I am not him.”

Age Young Childhood Youth Aging Old

Book:A Creature Was Stirring

Source: A Creature Was Stirring

“She harbored the childhood presumption that the truly scary things could only find her in the night.”

Childhood Scary Presume

Book:Artificial Gods

Source: Artificial Gods

“Childhood is this time of magic and monsters; hoping for one and fearing the other... The worst part of being a kid is discovering which one exists... So, I chose to believe in magic.”

Hope Fear Magic Childhood Monsters

Book:We Shadows

Source: We Shadows

“If I didn't have anywhere more pressing to be, I would have offered her my number and the use of my backseat. Chances were good that she would have accepted at least one.”

Sex Car Backseat Pickup Lines Phone Number

Book:The Road to Vent Haven

Source: The Road to Vent Haven

“You want to play innocent? That the kind of person who spends their lives projecting their voice into a lamb or lizard isn't into some kinky shit when the lights go out?”

Sex Innocent Kinky Ventriloquism Ventriloquist

Book:The Road to Vent Haven

Source: The Road to Vent Haven

“Ventriloquism is not a physically demanding hobby. High school athletes tended to spend their weekends fingering something other than a dummy's eyes”

Sex Ventriloquism Athletes Ventriloquist

Book:The Road to Vent Haven

Source: The Road to Vent Haven

“Love is not fungible; I would not take a substitution if I were in love." "Then you don't remember being in love... The best way to get over one person is to get under another.”

Love Sex Substitution Fungible

Book:The Lifecycle of Suns

Source: The Lifecycle of Suns

“Lovers are not meant to be trusted, as our bodies are lying to our brains via rushes of hormones. Once these are more settled, our brains return the favor, assuring the body it is comfortable and wouldn't rather sow wilder seeds and plow more fields.”

Love Sex Lovers Commitment Lust Hormones Bodies Brains

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“We will be old and gray before ten Maine minutes go by. Mainers invented tantric sex when they had a quickie.”

Sex Maine Slowness Tantric Sex

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“If you are old enough to feel angst about how a holiday “feels,” you are very likely no longer in the target demographic.”

Age Holiday

Book:A Creature Was Stirring

Source: A Creature Was Stirring

“We shall not extend ourselves with magic when bureaucracy serves as fine an end.”

Effort Business Magic Bureaucracy Witchcraft

Book:Flies to Wanton Boys

Source: Flies to Wanton Boys

“Love and poor parenting are acceptable topics for any formal meal I make.”

Love Cooking Parenting Meals

Book:Flies to Wanton Boys

Source: Flies to Wanton Boys

“The UFOs were explicable enough, just experimental aircrafts from the airport. Of course the government was not going to tell people what was actually going on. She would not be surprised if the government encouraged the UFO cultists to flock there as the perfect cover, since no one would ever believe them.”

Government Explanation Ufo Alien Coverup

Book:Artificial Gods

Source: Artificial Gods

“Her mother admonished through closed lips, the sound a mother can make mean anything from "pick up your socks" to "we are very disappointed you have murdered those orphans.”

Parent Lips Disappointed Parenthood Orphans Admonish Murdered Scold

Book:Danse Macabre

Source: Danse Macabre

“Those who mouth your sacred words with an accent you deem wrong annoy you more than those speaking something you cannot understand.”

Religion Spirituality Language Sacred Accent

Book:Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

Source: Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

“I am copacetic with leaning on the sacred, but I need to make sure all the mundane bases are covered before we break out the crystals and incense for a good chant.”

Sacred Crystals Mundane Incense Chant

Book:Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

Source: Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

“All this electromagnetic pollution in the air from the Internet and cell phones, it cuts you off from God.”

God Internet Pollution Electromagnetic Cell Phones

Book:Artificial Gods

Source: Artificial Gods

“The residents of what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo had no questions the okapi was real. The colonizers assumed stories of them were the gibber of savages, as colonizers are wont to do.”

Racism Racist Colonizers Cryptid Colonizing Okapi

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“One can point to countless Sasquatches and their morphological kin, ghosts by the bushel, and aliens by the mothership load, but Gef existed just this once.”

Aliens Ghosts Bigfoot Ufos Sasquatch Cryptid Gef The Talking Mongoose Uaps

Book:The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

Source: The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“I had not said the words attributed to me. Even if I had said them, they weren't defamatory. Even if they were, it was a private conversation. Also—not that I am admitting I said them—they are true.”

Defame Misquote Defamatory Private Conversation

Book:The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

Source: The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“Lobster has an aroma that is not in itself that appealing, more so than most other breeds of seafood. Yet, the lean protein of lobster is always joined by the lurid fats of melted butter, improving the texture and taste of most things, as well as increasing waist and decreasing arteriole width.”

Taste Texture Seafood Lobster Butter

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“Love can blind you more than a gunshot.”

Love Gun Blind Gunshot Blinding

Book:Danse Macabre

Source: Danse Macabre

“The whole concept of some stranger making his way down our chimney - not that we had one - suggested burglary more readily than generosity. Any Santa who tried it would have gotten a bullet in his holly, jolly keister.”

Christmas Generosity Santa Santa Claus Burglary Chimney Burglar

Book:Of Christmas Present

Source: Of Christmas Present

“The hippies became another corporate avatar, another mascot selling sugary cereal instead of free love.”

Corporate Cereal Free Love Hippies Avatar Mascot

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“Roselyn corseted Shane in her second best bodice, causing Shane to question in gasps how women who could not heal cracked ribs managed the feat of breathing. “Breathing,” Roselyn assured her, “was overrated.”

Breathing Corset Bodice

Book:Flies to Wanton Boys

Source: Flies to Wanton Boys

“There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room.”

Sex Apology Roommate

Book:We Shadows

Source: We Shadows

“As any Buddhist monk will tell you, the mind is a monkey. Given a daily routine, it first gets the hang of it, then it gets bored and starts flinging feces. Our simian tenants resent us because nothing changes enough to keep them amused. In protest, they refuse to work at peak primate efficiency.”

Buddhism Buddhist Bored Monk Poop Monkey Feces Amuse Understimulated

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“Humans are narcissists and we like a cryptid that resembles us. Sea monsters, globsters, out-of-place animals, the potentially not-extinct, and mythic beasts do not hold a candle to an ape-man.”

Apes Bigfoot Sasquatch Cryptids Sea Monsters Globsters

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“We were teenage ghost hunters, Ouija enthusiasts, and would have shouted after any Bigfoot who dared to show itself. Better to die becoming another spooky story for cable shows than miss learning an occult truth.”

Ghost Paranormal Occult Spooky Bigfoot Ouija

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“These animals are not disputed but “hidden.” It is an optimistic mission statement. It would be quixotic to seek gremlins that exist no further than storybooks. Bigfoot exists, along with Nessie and the Jersey Devil. Their formal discovery will happen tomorrow, or next week at the latest, and won’t you feel silly when they are?”

Animals Bigfoot Loch Ness Monster Cryptids Cryptozoology Jersey Devil

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“No story about Las Vegas should begin in Vegas. It is a place one goes, often rashly, and from which one returns often poorer in money and richer in experience. It is a crapshoot—pun intended—if the outcome will match the intention. Las Vegas will not disappoint, becoming a story one can tell in a bar, how one got an unfortunate tattoo, or drunkenly married a new acquaintance at the Little Vegas Chapel in front of an Elvis impersonator.”

Travel Story Gambling Las Vegas Nevada Elvis

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“Las Vegas may have residents and not merely tourists, but it does not want to welcome you. You are swallowed. Maybe it will hack up your hair and bones later, but the oddsmakers are not on your side.”

Travel Gambling Las Vegas Tourists Residents Nevada Swallowed

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“Every surface encouraged the viewer to call and order a prostitute for fewer than fifty dollars. This did seem like a deal, but I did not know the going rate for a sex worker in this economy.”

Economy Prostitution Las Vegas Sex Work Prostitute Escort

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“They had perfected their team nagging to a level where they no longer had to confer and felt they would be wasting their talents if they only admonished their own children.”

Parent Parenting Nagging Admonish Nag

Book:Danse Macabre

Source: Danse Macabre

“Love could not save her from the bargains others had made.”

Love Save Bargain

Book:Find What You Love and Let It Kill You

Source: Find What You Love and Let It Kill You

“If Woodstock happened today, you would be invited on social media. Websites would livestream it. Rolling Stone would not cover it. You would read “The 5 Craziest Parts of Woodstock (Number 4 Will SHOCK You).” Instead of lighters, we would hold up cell phones, so we could record the moment instead of inhabiting it.”

Social Media Moment Woodstock Cellphones Clickbait

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“You catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar, as they say, though I warrant you get even more flies with corpses. Flies aren’t too picky, when you come to it.”

Catching Vinegar Corpse Dead Body Flies

Book:A Collector of Spirits

Source: A Collector of Spirits

“There are always humbugs hungry for ink. It is the nature and bane of paranormal research. If we throw out all evidence for the sake of a few charlatans, the world would be a poorer place, and nothing would be solved.”

Research Evidence Hunger Paranormal Supernatural Charlatans Humbug Paranormal Research

Book:The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

Source: The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“Frequently, people confront us who seemed to be egging the world into calling them on their miserable actions so they can have the pleasure of angry vengeance or an excuse to attract attention. Our compassion cannot be giving them what they think they want, since it is unreasonable to want to be hateful.”

Compassion Misery Miserable Vengeance Hateful

Book:Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

Source: Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the Craft

“Jasmine had endured enough parochial schooling before middle school to have a residual attachment to the beautiful parts of believing, the certainty of knowing one is loved by something beyond comprehension, but also a niggling fear of those who believed too much in anything they could not touch. Believers were the sort to wave pictures of dead fetuses at her when she went to her gynecologist for a checkup.”

Believe Belief Believers Fetus Gynocologist

Book:Artificial Gods

Source: Artificial Gods

“I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs.”

Children Christmas Dogs Santa Santa Claus Mall

Book:Of Christmas Present

Source: Of Christmas Present

“By being so bizarre when less was required, he peculiarly becomes more credible. Someone faking it would not go to these lengths unless they were profoundly committed to the bit, making it more likely this was a genuine personality, an actual trickster.”

Bizarre Credible Trickster

Book:The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

Source: The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“Her straw-colored pigtails did not qualify her to be Rapunzel and could not be spun to gold by imp fingers, she was too active to be Sleeping Beauty, too outspoken to be Cinderella, too keen on tall fellows to be Snow White. She held little carriage with sleeping upon legumes to display her regal daintiness and imagined that the only result would be a mushy, green stain on the underside of her mattress. Her eyes met the criteria only of the evil, ice queen.”

Queen Cinderella Snow White Sleeping Beauty Rapunzel

Book:Find What You Love and Let It Kill You

Source: Find What You Love and Let It Kill You

“If I were planning to propagate my pods, I would do it in a quiet, beautiful town. No Pleiadean worth their cesium would start their nefarious plans near a skyscraper.”

New York Quiet Towns Aliens Pine Bush

Book:Holidays with Bigfoot

Source: Holidays with Bigfoot

“You got a vicious animal inside you. It wants to snap, it wants to attack, but it's harmless because some woman fitted a muzzle on it. Now, how do you imagine it feels about that muzzle? How do you think it will regard the woman the moment that muzzle is off, and she is within biting distance?”

Animal Vicious Attack Muzzle Restrain

Book:Danse Macabre

Source: Danse Macabre

“For most, ghost hunting was a few steps escalated from telling scary stories around a campfire.”

Ghost Scary Stories Ghost Hunting

Book:Flies to Wanton Boys

Source: Flies to Wanton Boys

About the Author

Known for: Author
Quotes: 282

Books & Sources

Holidays with BigfootRelated source material

Flies to Wanton BoysRelated source material

Pagan Standard Times: Essays on the CraftRelated source material

Danse MacabreRelated source material

The Curious Case of the Talking MongooseRelated source material

We ShadowsRelated source material

Artificial GodsRelated source material

The Lifecycle of SunsRelated source material

The Road to Vent HavenRelated source material

A Creature Was StirringRelated source material