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Empty Quotes

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Empty Quotes

“Acting is an empty and useless profession.”

Funny Acting Empty Profession April April Fools Day

Author:Marlon Brando

“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”

Funny Sides Dark Half Cutting Empty Lips Glasses Teeth Sarcastic Pessimism Dark Side Cracked Half Empty

Author:Janeane Garofalo

“Olympic organizers are reportedly struggling to fill rows and rows of empty seats. Empty seats! In fact, yesterday officials put out a casting call asking for 200 Europeans or eight Americans.”

Facts Funny Struggle Empty Asking Eight Yesterday Officials Seats Olympics Casting Organizer London Olympics Empty Seats

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.”

Ifs I Can Humor Funny Guy Speak Rooms Stage Right Now Empty Blow Tonight Empty Stage

Author:Bill Hicks

“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”

Ifs Giving Two Humor Kids Funny Reading Next President Giving Up Concerned Empty Sick Miles Seats Gates Pens Airline Flyers Empty Seats Sick Kids

Author:David Cross

“I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.”

Humor Funny Loneliness Empty Nests Syndromes Premature Empty Nest

Author:Kristen Schaal

“An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.”

Inspirational Funny Science Brain Education Empty Difficulty Emptiness Rubbish True Believer Empty Heads

Author:Eric Hoffer

“Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one.”

“The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.”

Life Wisdom Funny Sound Empty Thrive Sarcastic Vessel Empty Vessels

Author:William Shakespeare

“Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.”

“Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."”

Way Funny Next Found Walks Lord Travel Sitting Empty Seats Aisle Just Say No

Author:Carol Leifer

“My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.”

Children Shows Humor Kids Funny Found Son Baby Humorous Empty My Son Fists Deficiency Nursery

Book:Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!

Source: Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own!

“I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd”

Play Funny House Fronts Football Empty Crowds Soccer Nfl Footballer Funny Football Playing Soccer Footy Full House

Author:Johnny Giles

“Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?”

Humor Funny Mother Drink Empty Empty Heads

Author:Billy Connolly

“My mental hands were empty, and I felt I must do something as a counterirritant or antibody to my hysterical alarm at getting married at the age of 43.”

Hands Age Funny Felt Married Empty Meaningful Birthday Alarms Getting Married Hysterical 40th Birthday Antibodies

Author:Ian Fleming

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.”

Love Funny Romance Sex Love Is Empty Dating Sexy Without Love Funny Love Love And Death Funny Sex Statue Of Liberty Love Death Sex And Love Funny Sexy Sex Love Sex Without Love

Author:Woody Allen