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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”

Knows Said Humor Funny Mother Father Birth Easier Hundred Dollars Father Son

Author:Rita Rudner

“humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.”

Feelings Humor Levels Emotion Fashion Bears Birth Opposites Relation Rising Closest Turmoil Wellspring

Author:Constance Rourke

“The Devil, too, sometimes steals human children; it is not infrequent for him to carry away infants within the first six weeks after birth, and to substitute in their place imps.”

Firsts Humans Children Sometimes Humor Religious Week Birth Six Devil Stealing Substitutes Infant

Author:Martin Luther

“An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.”

Knows Men Humor Wanted Funny Wife Birth Husband Twins Irishmen

Author:Frank Carson

“A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.”

Thinking Giving Years Humor Funny Fall Boys Baby Birth Needed Britain Tape Mum Amazed Sections Old Woman Giving Birth Baby Boy

Author:Frankie Boyle

“I was a poster child... for birth control!”

Children Humor Funny Birth Posters Birth Control

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

Ifs Knows Giving Humor Funny Birth Sticks Eggs Insects Jars Did You Know

Author:Tim Vine

“Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.”

Giving Should Humor Funny Birth Sugar Pills Birth Control

Author:Adam Carolla

“I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.”

Humor Age Funny Deals Birth Guarantees Relaxed Guarantees That Certificates Unwritten Birth Certificate

Book:Crying With Laughter: My Life Story

Source: Crying With Laughter: My Life Story