“If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"” IfsHumorFunnyPayGroupsOffersNotesDinnerChecksThanksWalletsGroup Of Friends Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."” SaidHumorCareFunnyUsedPayBecomingPaidCaringChecksWaiterWaitressSaying Thank YouMammograms Author:Rita Rudner
“AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."” PeopleHumorWantedFunnyPayTvsBillsScreensChecksHeyMailOfferingRemote Control Author:Jay Leno
“Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"” MenHumorFunnyWhiteRichCarChecksWealthyWhite ManBlingShaq Author:Chris Rock
“I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up..." WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up."” IfsKnowsHumorMightFunnyGuyNextLinesSawsChecksVideoTowersJumpingBuddyFlewThat GuyCordsOperatorsBungee JumpingBungee Author:Bill Engvall
“The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.” TwoHumorFunnyCarPoliceChecksSpotsPimples Author:Chic Murray
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser
“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'” SaidHomeHumorLightFunnyHouseEnergyJusticeCuttingYesterdayChecksGermanyAnd Off Author:Steven Wright