Home / Topics / Humor Quotes

Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.”

People Want Giving Real Humor Funny Cities New York New York City Incentives

Book:Andy Warhol, Priest:

Source: Andy Warhol, Priest:

“Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world.”

People World Humor Funny Moving Interesting Cities Psychology New York Higher Currents New York City Journal Percentages Surveys Abnormal Cities In The World Abnormal Psychology

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.”

Knows Humor Care Funny America Cities Too Much New York Beats Twenties Don't Care Fifth Places To Live Best Place Pittsburgh Caring Too Much

Author:David Letterman

“Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.”

Two Humor Funny Three Cities Worry Study Heard New York Train Flesh Wounds Hey Phrases New York City Taxi

Author:David Letterman

“You'll hear people say it's racist to test. Folks, it's racist not to test. Because guess who gets shuffled through the system oftentimes? Children whose parents don't speak English as a first language, inner-city kids. It's so much easier to quit on somebody than to remediate.”

People Firsts Children Humor Kids Political Speak Language Parent Cities Easier Tests Folks Quitting Racist Political Humor Speak English Inner City

Author:George W. Bush

“We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.”

People Humor Funny Simple Cities Bombs

Author:Robin Williams

“Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.”

Humor Funny Cities New York New York City Connecticut

Author:Fred Allen

“And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.”

Wells Matter Humor Funny Cities Baseball Tonight Chicago Kansas Lead In Kansas City

Author:Jerry Coleman

“The mark of a good party is that you wake up the next morning wanting to change your name and start a new life in a different city.”

Different Humor Funny Next Names Party Cities Morning Mark Wake Up New Life Good Party

Author:Vance Bourjaily

“This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.”

World Way Humor Funny Dies Race Cities Sky New York Exciting Yeah Shooting New York City Construction Crash Riot Places In The World Subway Sidewalk Cranes Blowing Up Asbestos Race Riots

Author:Denis Leary

“Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.”

Knows Wells Humor Funny Life Is Sex Cities Conversation Including Phones Coffee Articles Mobile Unhealthy Mobile Phones

Author:Dylan Moran

“Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.”

People Humor Funny Cities Fire Welcome Glasgow

Author:Frankie Boyle

“This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."”

Men Humor Funny Beautiful Fall Cities Wife Minutes Ten Sitting Falling In Love My Wife Beautiful Women Subway I Fall In Love

Author:Jim Gaffigan