“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.” HumorFunnyLastsPurposeNightSexWifeMy WifeEggsLast Night Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“I was at a restaurant, and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "How would you like your eggs?" I thought I would answer her anyway and said, "Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!"” ThinkingSaidHumorFunnyAnswersCuttingLike YouUnderstoodRaisedDamnRestaurantsEggsChickensSandwichesWaitressBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.” HumorFunnyFansEggsElectric Author:Oliver Herford
“The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.” NeedsSaidHumorFunnyBitsHarderMeatEggsChefWrapsScottishScotchSnacksTasty Author:Bill Bailey
“Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!” HumorFunnyGroupsSubstanceEggsFart Author:Dylan Moran
“Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.” ThinkingHumorFunnyIncrediblesEggsScotchScotsmen Author:Milton Jones
“A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."” MenSaidFeelingsHumorFunnyThreeWalksMinutesHe ManDoctorsSorryEggsHospitalsSaying Sorry Author:Frank Carson
“A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."” MenSaidHumorFunnyFourShopsEggsCracksDozenCracked Author:Frank Carson
“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.” IfsKnowsGivingHumorFunnyBirthSticksEggsInsectsJarsDid You Know Author:Tim Vine
“My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.” KnowsHumorEarthFunnyJesusCatholicMy FavoriteGravesCelebrateRisingHolidayEggsEasterComing BackRabbits Author:Adam Ferrara
“The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.” LongHas BeensTwoHumorFunnyLegsShouldersBoatSilverEggs Author:Chic Murray