“Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.” WorldHas BeensHumorFunnyGivenSportsMorningPlayerJudgingSkillsOkayUltimateYeahAlcoholRingsChampionToneBeing The BestPotChampionshipPillsBanjosMorning AfterFrisbeeTasersBanjo PlayersJudge Judy Author:Dave Attell
“I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in.” ThinkingI CanHumorFunnyFoundGivenDifficultTreeCircumstancesRight NowBlameForests Author:Denis Leary
“My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.” HumorFunnyAsksGivenSexNiceDoorsAdviceDadMy DadUpsetMumSecretaryBedroomBikeBest TimesBest Advice Author:Jimmy Carr
“The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?” KnowsHumorFunnyGivenBusHomelessCouncilBlackpool Author:Frank Carson