“The Devil can so completely assume the human form, when he wants to deceive us, that we may well lie with what seems to be a woman, of real flesh and blood, and yet all the while 'tis only the Devil in the shape of a woman. 'Tis the same with women, who may think that a man is in bed with them, yet 'tis only the Devil; and...the result of this connection is oftentimes an imp of darkness, half mortal, half devil.” ThinkingMenWantHumansWellsMayRealHumorSeemsFormLyingReligiousResultsHalfDarknessBloodShapesBedDevilConnectionsAssumingFleshMortalsDeceivingFlesh And BloodHuman Form Author:Martin Luther
“We may well lie with what seems to be a woman of flesh and blood, and yet all the time it is only a devil in the shape of a woman.” WellsMayHumorSeemsLyingReligiousBloodShapesDevilFleshFlesh And Blood Author:Martin Luther
“Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.” FirstsMadeHumorFunnyLyingTeamBaseballAcquisitionPhiladelphia Author:Jerry Coleman
“I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."” HumorFunnyRememberLyingMotherNamesBoysMadWho You AreDon't LieLie To MeDon't Lie To Me Author:Bill Cosby
“A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.” IfsWellsChildrenPersonsHumorFunnyPainLyingFiveTruth IsTelling The TruthEmsTruthfulOnly TimeChildren Love Author:Bill Cosby
“Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"” MenHumorFunnyLyingHouseBabyKevinLying MenWomen Lie Author:Chris Rock
“When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move... I'm locking the door now.'” ChildrenHumorFunnyMovingLyingHoursDarkDoorsBedtime Author:Dylan Moran
“They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!” IfsKnowsNeedsWellsHumorTodayFunnyLyingPerfectConditionsWindDegreesWeatherNonsenseChillMinus Author:Lewis Black
“Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.” MenHumorFunnyLyingFoundPoliceIceCoveredCreamIce CreamVansLying On The Floor Author:Tommy Cooper
“Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'” MenShouldHumorFunnyLyingEgoMy FriendsDrivenSwearConquestSwear To God Author:Adam Ferrara
“So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."” MenTryingSaidMatterHumorFunnyLyingFallBreakBarsPocketsGuttersToffee Author:Chic Murray
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser