“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'” ShouldLooksChildrenSometimesHumorFunnyPoliticsShould HaveAgingMy ChildrenVirgins Author:Lillian Gordy Carter
“Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.” ShouldHumorFunnyPartyClassRepublicanHumorousShould HaveDemocratRescueOblivionHarvard Author:Will Rogers
“I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.” PeopleWayShouldHumorFunnyHateAsksStupidShould HaveRelyStupid People Author:Bill Engvall
“I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.” PeopleThinkingShouldHumorFunnyWalksShould HaveTargetEntrances Author:Mitch Hedberg
“A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."” ThinkingMenWayShouldSaidHumorFunnyShould HaveYeahI RealizedWeatherPerceiveTrippy Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.” IfsShouldHumorFunnyNightEasyDarkRoomsMiddleProductsIntegrityShould HaveMadSurpriseBoxesVersionsBusCheeseTemperatureMiddle Of The NightCrackersGlow In The Dark Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'” ShouldSaidHumorFunnyFacesDadShould HaveRubbishHawksBlokesSlayer Author:Bill Bailey
“A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."” MenShouldHumorFunnyHoursNewsShould HaveDoctorsYesterdayGood NewsBad News Author:Frank Carson
“It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.” ShouldHelpingHumorFunnySweetShould HaveTrunksLimos Author:Steve Martin