“I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house.” PeopleThinkingTwoHumorFunnyGuyHouseTvsSittingBedroomOther GuysSitting AroundOvensWatching TvBedroom House Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.” DifferentStoriesHumorFunnyReadingMy OwnGaySittingMagazinesStationsBusMagicianOwn BusinessMinding My Own Business Author:Dave Attell
“Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.” ImportantHumorKidsFunnyHurtSittingEarsSitting DownCasualties Author:Dylan Moran
“I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.” HumorWantedFunnySecurityMaterialsSittingPreparedWeatherComicBe PreparedAirportsBack WhenAirport Security Author:Lewis Black
“I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.” HumorRunningFunnyHateSittingI HateTraffic Author:Milton Jones
“There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."” KnowsMenSaidHumorFunnyRoomsSittingRidiculousIceDiningDining Rooms Author:Frank Carson
“What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!” IfsWholeShowsHumorFunnyChoicesDoorsWallSittingTrainPrizeLockedMultipleToiletsSlidesAnything GoesQuizMultiple ChoiceUnveilingQuiz Show Author:Frankie Boyle
“Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"” ThinkingKnowsMeanHas BeensHomeHumorSchoolFunnyGuyTvsHigh SchoolSittingPopeThat GuyJerkPolandWatching Tv Author:Jim Gaffigan
“This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."” MenHumorFunnyBeautifulFallCitiesWifeMinutesTenSittingFalling In LoveMy WifeBeautiful WomenSubwayI Fall In Love Author:Jim Gaffigan
“Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'” MenSaidHumorFunnyGuyNextArmsDrinkSittingBarsHeySleevesHey You Author:Tommy Cooper
“Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.” TwoHumorFunnyFireProveSittingCraftsHeatLitChilly Author:Tommy Cooper