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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.”

Long Running Mistake Color Humorous Claims Victim Clubs London Stores Reform Gentleman Germany Department Necks Hiding Inches Tied

Author:Mike Harding

“... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.”

Eye Funny Hours Half Streets Cold Humorous Standing Very Good Posts Odd Gentleman Lamps Beef Steak Inconvenient Bruises Waiter

Book:The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, Volume 1 (of 2) (Illustrations)

Source: The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, Volume 1 (of 2) (Illustrations)

“There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.”

Humans Funny Passion Human Nature Humorous Gentleman Gravy

Book:The life and adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit: With a frontispiece, from a drawing by Frank Stone

Source: The life and adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit: With a frontispiece, from a drawing by Frank Stone

“A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.”

Play Funny Music Humorous Gentleman Composer Singer Songwriters Funny Music Accordions Gentlemanly

Author:Tom Waits

“No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.”

Real Truth Funny Humorous Naked Novelists Gentleman Telling The Truth Humorists Ladies And Gentlemen Inconvenient Truth Real Gentleman

Book:Mark Twain's Fables of Man

Source: Mark Twain's Fables of Man

“We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.”

Source: The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 56 Stories & 4 Novels

“A gentleman need not know Latin, but he should at least have forgotten it.”

Knows Needs Should Education Learning Humorous Forgotten Educational Gentleman Latin

Author:Brander Matthews

“"Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."”

Knows Littles Funny Fiction Humorous Dear Deception Gentleman Harsh Perjury Harsh Words

Book:The Pickwick Papers

Source: The Pickwick Papers