Humorous Quotes
Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.
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Humorous Quotes
“Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.”
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”
“The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.”
“If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
“You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
“Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”
“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.”
“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?”
“It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.”
“Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.”
“I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
“There are more old drunkards than old physicians.”
“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.”
“You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.”
“I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.”
“You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.”
“All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.”
“The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.”
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.”