Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Related topics

FunnyWittyHumorIfsMenPeopleInspirationalKnowsThinkingSarcasticLifeStupidChildrenWayWantInsaneProfoundShouldFirstsPowerfulAmericaSaidGivingWorldTwoSarcasmYearsSexLaughterWellsGodBookKidsAgeWritingLongMadeComedyFoodMeanTryingBabyComedianLittlesLoveMayLooksMindNamesPoliticalMarriageRepublicanAirlineDemocratDrinkingFactsHumansParentingPersonsDoeNeedsThreeBeerEnglandHandsHilariousMusicNew YorkAir TravelEnoughI CanIdeasPartyPoliticsStillsFunny LifeKindBelieveDoctorsDrinkHas BeensProblemWarFunInspirationRussiaDiesJapanNextPhonesSchoolStatesYoungCountryFeelsHelpingLastsLawyerMightMoneymore

Humorous Quotes

“The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.”

PersonsCountryProblemRunningFormEnergyAnimalMiddleHumorousScientistBillsCancerOilEnormousDepartmentSandEtcCowsRatsEasternLaboratoryDinosaursRaccoonsBulldozers
Author:Dave Barry
Create image

“The brand is lying about something, or at least misrepresenting it. When I read a bottle of shampoo or moisturizer or other beauty product, I always perceive a dark subtext. The words haunt me. It comes across as humorous to the reader/audience, but in fact the words really do make me a little bit queasy. Nothing is as easy or natural as consumer brands want us to think - no problem is as resolvable. Your hair will fall out, eventually. Yet we do have these brands, and we line our shelves with them. There's an inherent irony.”

ThinkingWantLittlesFactsProblemLyingFallEasyBitsNaturalLinesDarkAudienceProductsHairReaderLittle BitHumorousBrandsConsumersPerceiveIronyBottlesInherentShelvesNo ProblemWant UShampooSubtextBeauty Products
Author:Aaron Belz
Create image

“I think the definition of someone who's still a swinger is a person who remains signed up on swinger websites because they're "humorous." If you'd been married to an alcoholic and found yourself dating someone whose couch cushions were stuffed with empty bottles, you might conclude you're part of the problem and are attracted to men who are going to keep making you miserable in the same oh-so-familiar way. I think you should look to date someone for whom the idea of a swinger website makes him want to slather himself in sanitizing gel.”

ThinkingMenProblemMarriedHumorousEmptyDatingMiserableWebsite
Author:Emily Yoffe
Create image

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

IfsLifeInspirationalPersonsProblemWisdomFunnyResponsibilityViolenceTroubleMonthsHumorousSittingCriticismResponsibleBlameCriticsPresidentialKicksSelf MotivationPantsTaking ResponsibilityBetter LifePersonal ResponsibilitySelf EmpowermentKickingBlaming OthersSelf ResponsibilityResponsibility For Your LifeInspirational PresidentialResponsibilities In LifeResponsible PersonWorthy OpponentsShort PantsKicking Back
Book:Theodore Roosevelt on Bravery: Lessons from the Most Courageous Leader of the Twentieth Century
Create image

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”

PeopleWorldWholeProblemWisdomCertainEducationDoubtFoolConfidenceHumorousIntelligenceWittyLibertarianFoolishCleverCertaintyParadoxThought ProvokingAnarchyIronicLibertarianismSkepticismWiserFoolishnessSkepticalPolitical PhilosophyFanaticsFanaticismHeresyInternational RelationsBeing WiseMake You ThinkSkepticFooledDoubtedIntelligent ManClever ManWisest ManFools And FoolishnessFools And WiseFoolish ManWise WisdomWorld ProblemsFaith And DoubtStupidity Of ManOverconfidentDoubt And Certainty
Author:Bertrand Russell
Create image