“John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'” IfsFirstsLooksSaidPresidentMillionsWifeWeekMagazinesBotherAmerican HistoryThey SaidBucksFirst LadyJohn KerryTeresa Author:Jay Leno
“The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said, it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected, unless of course, it's the Vietnam War.” SaidWarUseOrderCoursesHousePresidentMemoriesWhiteTvsCampaignsTragicWhite HouseVietnamAdsVietnam WarJohn KerryCondemningTv Commercial Author:Jay Leno
“Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math.” SaidHardTodayPresidentToughMathOpponentsPresident BushNicknamesCharging Author:Conan O'Brien
“In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war in Iraq, he didn't expect President Bush to 'f--- it up as badly as he did.' Here's some breaking news, tomorrow former Vice President Al Gore expected to endorse Howard Dean as the Democratic nominee for president of the United States - and you thought John Kerry was using four letter words before! Actually, to John Kerry, Dean is a four letter word.” SaidWarStatesRunningPresidentUnitedUnited StatesFourTomorrowNewsStonesLettersDemocraticIraqVicesExpectedFormerInterviewsAlsRollingSenatorsPresident BushGoreDeanVice PresidentRolling StonesJohn KerryFour Letter WordsBreaking News Author:Jay Leno
“Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can't misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, 'You can't'?” SaidHardPresidentWeekFellowsDemocraticPresidentialCandidatesWeekendDeanJohn KerryPresidential Candidate Author:Jay Leno
“Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less.” PeopleYearsSaidRunningPresidentMinutesEgyptMosesCain Author:Conan O'Brien
“President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., a modern prophet, said over and over again that the Lord would never let one of his Saints who had been faithful in the payment of tithes and offerings go without the necessities of life” (Marion G. Romney, “The Blessings of an Honest Tithe,” New Era, Jan.-Feb. 1982, 45). Members who faithfully pay tithing are promised spiritual blessings as well. “I think it is not well known in the Church that payment of tithing has very little to do with money. Tithing has to do with faith” ThinkingWellsLittlesSaidSpiritualPresidentChurchPayKnownLordModernHonestBlessingMembersSaintErasFaithfulProphetOfferingWell KnownPaymentRomneyNew EraTitheTithingSpiritual BlessingsNot Well Known Author:A. Theodore Tuttle
“Frankly, the president, during the first opportunity I had to be in a Cabinet meeting, before we started the meeting, he said, Folks, before we begin this meeting, I'm going to call on General Ashcroft and ask him invite the wisdom and presence of God in what we do. And I thought to myself how ashamed I'd been that so many times in my life I had entered upon great important tasks and I had cheated myself and those that I had served of a blessing.” FirstsSaidImportantAsksOpportunityPresidentBlessingTasksMeetingsFolksScaryAshamedInvitesCabinetsCheatedPresence Of God Author:John Ashcroft
“Rosalynn said, "Jimmy, if we could only get Prime Minister Begin and President Sadat up here on this mountain for a few days, I believe they might consider how they could prevent another war between their countries." That gave me the idea, and a few weeks later, I invited both men to join me for a series of private talks. In September 1978, they both came to Camp David.” IfsMenBelieveSaidIdeasWarCountryMightI BelievePeacePresidentWeekMountainSeriesMinistersPrimeCampsMiddle EastSeptemberPrime MinisterInvitedJimmySadat Book:Talking Peace: A Vision for the Next Generation Source: Talking Peace: A Vision for the Next Generation
“Tanzania is standing by the people of Zimbabwe including President Mugabe... Mugabe is there, he is president, he has been elected. If Tanzania had simply said, stupid, you're hopeless, a murderer, a violator of basic human rights; does that remove Mugabe from office? It doesn't.” PeopleIfsHumansDoeHas BeensSaidPresidentRightsStupidOfficeStandingIncludingHuman RightsRemoveHopelessMurdererZimbabweTanzaniaBasic Human RightsSimply SaidMugabe Author:Jakaya Kikwete
“In the 2012 election, Obamacare, as it's called, and I'll be more polite - the ACA ...was a major issue in the campaign. I campaigned all over America for two months, everywhere I could. And in every single campaign rally I said, 'We have to repeal and replace Obamacare.' Well, the people spoke. They spoke, much to my dismay, but they spoke. And they reelected the President of the United States.” PeopleWellsSaidTwoStatesRealityAmericaPoliticalPoliticsPresidentCommunityLeadershipJusticeUnitedPartyHistoryUnited StatesDemocracyIssuesHuman NaturePolicyHealthMonthsMajorsEthicsConstitutionElectionStrategyUnityCampaignsIdeologyVotingSpokesPolitePolitical PartiesCivilityObamacareTwo MonthsDismay2012 ElectionAca Author:John McCain
“During last night's Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said that Congress has been spending money like John Edwards at a beauty salon. Then Huckabee got an even bigger laugh when he said he's running for president” Has BeensSaidBigsRunningLastsNightPresidentLaughingRepublicanBiggerCongressSpendingDebateLast NightMikeSpending MoneySalonsBeauty Salon Author:Conan O'Brien
“I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.” SaidStatesPresidentUnitedUnited StatesTaughtWeaknessClintonSorryChineseApologyApologizingTaught UsPresident Clinton Author:Jay Leno
“In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans.” PeopleIfsNeedsGivingTryingSaidJobsPresidentSpeechIraqNew OrleansPresident Bush Author:Jay Leno
“According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We had a plan?'” SaidWarPresidentPlansIraqPresident BushCnnAccording To Plan Author:Jay Leno
“The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'” SaidRunningPresidentCompanyWorryDogCarFineYesterdayOver You Author:Jimmy Fallon
“The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and he warned executives not to cook the books. Afterwards, Martha Stewart said the correct term was to saute the books.” SaidBookPresidentTermResponsibilityStreetsWallSpeechBiggerCooksCorporateSpokesExecutivesScandalPresident BushCorporate Responsibility Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump announced that he's running for president. During his speech he told the crowd that if elected he would be 'the greatest jobs president that God ever created.' Then God said, 'Hey, don't drag me into this publicity stunt.'” IfsSaidWould BeRunningJobsPresidentTrumpSpeechCrowdsHeyDragPublicity Author:Jimmy Fallon
“But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'” LongSaidPresidentLinesHeardComputerChaosMissionsAccomplishedVotingFloridaConfusingPresident BushBallotsLong LinesGlitchesMission Accomplished Author:David Letterman
“The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'” SaidCountryPresidentMinutesSatClassroomHobbiesCollecting Author:Bill Maher
“The L.A. Times reports that al Qaeda terrorists have been traced to Iran, and President Bush is talking tough. In fact he said he will attack the minute he has evidence his approval rating is under 45 percent.” Has BeensSaidFactsPresidentTalkingMinutesPercentEvidenceToughTerroristReportsIranAlsApprovalPresident BushRatingAl QaedaApproval Rating Author:Jay Leno
“Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'” SaidPresidentCrisisHearingDrunkHeyIsraeliPresident BushPresident Nixon Author:Conan O'Brien
“You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously.” KnowsWorldSaidFallPresidentLeaderWonderReadyTrainingIraqWheelsEmbarrassingBicycleTraining Wheels Author:Jay Leno
“One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him beat.” ThinkingWellsLooksSaidPresidentToo MuchBeatsCriticsPresident BushJohn KerryThinking Too Much Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd never be able to tell him what's in the newspapers every day.” IfsSaidKidsAblePresidentTaughtNewspapersPresident Bush Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're going to need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, because that's where the jobs went. Who better than Bush as an example of what can happen when you take a job without any training.” NeedsSaidHappensJobsPresidentCenturyExampleSkillsTrainingWorkersChinese21st CenturyPresident BushKoreanNew JobAmerican WorkersNew Skills Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a really big story if this were 1962. Bush said he didn't remember anything about the 60's - I guess he wasn't lying.” IfsMenSaidStatesStoriesBigsWould BeRememberLyingPresidentUnitedUnited StatesPlansMoonMajorsPresident Bush Author:Jay Leno
“In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'” YearsMadeSaidTwoLastsRememberNightPresidentMistakePressesTwo YearsConferencesLast NightPresident BushPress ConferencesOne Mistake Author:Conan O'Brien
“CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk.” SaidStillsPresidentMistakeDirectorsLeavingDumbDesksLeaving MeCiaMemos Author:David Letterman
“They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing American jobs anymore, he's branching out to other countries.” SaidWarCountryJobsPresidentCostLosingIraqFormerMinistersPrimeOther CountriesThey SaidPrime MinisterPresident BushAmerican JobsBranching Out Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.” IfsWantSaidShowsTodayPresidentMonthsLuckDebateHeyGood LuckPresident BushJohn KerryNational Guard Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges.” PeopleShouldSaidImportantCoursesPresidentDecisionIssuesJudgingGayMarriedSan FranciscoPresident BushGay PeopleGetting MarriedImportant Issues Author:Jay Leno
“In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a positive transformation that will enrich the U.S. economy over time. So basically, losing your job to someone else can be a good thing. Of course we'll see how he feels about that in November.” FeelsSaidJobsCoursesPresidentEconomyEconomicLosingTransformationGood ThingsCongressReportsPresident BushNovemberTransfersAnnualsAmerican Jobs Author:Jay Leno
“On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'” IfsMeanSaidLastsLostPresidentElectionPressesYesterdayLast TimePresident Bush Author:Jay Leno
“The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'” MaySaidStoriesShowsBigsTodayRememberGuyHousePresidentWhiteRecordsSeeingDrunkWhite HouseOfficersPresident BushOctoberRemember MePayrollNational Guard Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.” MaySaidWarPresidentRecordsCandidatesVietnamPresident Bush Author:Craig Kilborn
“Donald Trump's not backing down. Yesterday he said he doesn't need to be lectured by the other Republican candidates, who he says have no business running for president. Not to be confused with Donald Trump, who ran for president and now has no business.” NeedsSaidRunningPresidentTrumpRepublicanYesterdayRanConfusedCandidatesBacking Down Author:Jimmy Fallon
“In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced 'The Godfather' and said his nickname used to be 'Veto Corleone' because he vetoed so many bills in Florida. When you're the third person in your family to run for president, maybe you shouldn't bring up a movie trilogy where the third one was clearly the worst.” PersonsSaidRunningUsedPresidentWorstThirdsBillsCampaignsUsed To BeOur FamilyAdsFloridaNicknamesVetoTrilogiesThird PersonCorleoneCampaign Ads Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he said, 'And that's coming from ME!'” SaidPresidentRaceTrump Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Over on the Democratic side, Martin O'Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn't running for president to be quote, 'wined and dined' by executives. Then Chris Christie said, 'And I am also not running to be wined.'” NeedsSaidRunningSidesPresidentStreetsWallDemocraticReformSpokesExecutivesChristie Author:Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up with so many former congressmen.” FirstsSaidPresidentChanceSittingPrisonYesterdayFormerReformPresident ObamaCongressmanGood ChancePrison Reform Author:Jimmy Fallon
“No president in history has been more vilified or was more vilivied during the time he was President than Lincoln. Those who knew him, his secretaries, have written that he was deeply hurt by what was said about him and drawn about him, but on the other hand, Lincoln had the great strength of character never to display it, always able to stand tall and strong and firm no matter how harsh or unfair the criticism might be. These elements of greatness, of course, inspire us all today.” Has BeensSaidMatterCharacterHandsMightTodayAbleCoursesStrongPresidentHurtWrittenStrengthGreatnessInspireElementsCriticismFirmTallDisplayUnfairSecretaryHarshStrength Of CharacterDeeply Hurt Author:Richard M. Nixon
“The gist of what Mayor Giuliani said - that the President has shown himself to be completely unable to speak the truth about the nature of the threats from these ISIS terrorists - is true.” SaidSpeakPresidentNatureThreatTerroristIsisMayorsSpeak The TruthGist Author:Bobby Jindal
“Ronald Reagan said "trust, but verify." President [Barack] Obama is "trust, but vilify." He trusts our enemies and vilifies everyone who disagrees with him.” SaidPresidentEnemyBarackDisagreePresident Barack ObamaVerifyVilify Author:Mike Huckabee
“President Obama, right after the Gabby Gifford shooting said we need to usher in a new era of civil discourse in politics. But not heeding his own advice.” NeedsSaidPresidentAdviceErasShootingPresident ObamaDiscourseNew EraGabby Giffords Author:Eric Bolling
“Remember how he handled the Iran-contra Never Ending Scandal from Hell? He went on national television, the President of the United States, and said it wasn't his fault, because he was not aware, at the time, of what his foreign policy was.” SaidStatesFunnyRememberPresidentUnitedUnited StatesHellPolicyTelevisionFaultsIranForeign PolicyScandalNever EndingReaganomicsIran Contra Book:Dave Barry Turns Forty Source: Dave Barry Turns Forty
“Now goverments are a different thing. Presidents who do not want me. As I said, an African-American discriminates against an indigenous Bolivian. Well, they have their reasons, but sooner or later we will all be judged.” WantWellsSaidDifferentReasonPresidentAfrican AmericanDifferent ThingsJudgedWant MeSooner Or LaterIndigenous Author:Evo Morales
“Well, "The Washington post" three weeks ago had this investigation and they said that President Obama has now raised more money from Wall Street and the banks for this election cycle than all - than all eight Republicans combined. I don't want to say that, because if that's the truth, that Wall Street already has their man and his name is Barack Obama, then we've got a much bigger problem.” IfsMenWantWellsSaidProblemPoliticalThreeNamesPresidentWeekStreetsWallRepublicanBiggerElectionRaisedEightBarackPostsCyclesPresident ObamaInvestigationMore MoneyThey SaidBigger Problems Author:Michael Moore
“President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?” WellsLooksSaidWarActorsHousePresidentWhiteSituationEconomyHellHavensIraqOilMovieWhite HousePresident BushGoing To WarBad MoviesReruns Author:Jay Leno
“I'd be lying if I said that I knew I was there. I'm being completely honest. Nobody has a right in my view to seek Presidents office unless they are willing to give it 110 percent of who they are.” IfsGivingSaidLyingPresidentViewsHonestWillingOfficePercent Author:Joe Biden