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Artie Lange Quotes

Actor

Artie Lange is an American actor known for his performances in comedy and television shows. Born on October 11, 1967, he began his career in the 1980s and gained recognition for his unique sense of humor and satirical style.

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All Way Ifs Kids Guy Knows People Two Drinking Drug Firsts

Famous Artie Lange Quotes

“I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.”

Missing Right Now Resilient

Author:Artie Lange

“It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.”

Knows Play Five Fine Draws Cards

Author:Artie Lange

“It's good to be alive.”

Alive

Author:Artie Lange

“Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.”

Ifs Want Said Sometimes Sound Subjects Agree Idiot Interviews Offensive Insulting Murphy

Author:Artie Lange

“Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.”

Thinking Knows Looks Done Ability Millions Like You Incredibles Spontaneity Entertainers

Author:Artie Lange

“The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.”

Knows Stills Real Guy Morning Millions Laughing Know How Talent Models Relate Plumber Limos Real Talent

Author:Artie Lange

“When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.”

Firsts Political Causes Careers Died Tolerate Ruined Right Time Clay Political Correctness Correctness Andrew Dice Murphy

Author:Artie Lange

“When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.”

Character Voice Week Crazy Huge Impression Producers Sections Rehearsal Loops Impersonate

Book:Too Fat to Fish

Source: Too Fat to Fish

“When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.”

Black Time Of My Life

Author:Artie Lange

“It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world”

World Bigs Guy Owners Boss Similarity

Author:Artie Lange

“I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust”

Angel Dust One Time Yankees Stadiums Yankee Stadium

Author:Artie Lange

“Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that”

Way Two Play Shows Courses Show Business Two Ways Politically Correct Endorsements

Author:Artie Lange

“I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking”

Lying Drinking Fellas

Author:Artie Lange

“It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.”

Problem Running Drug

Author:Artie Lange

“Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.”

Mean Comedy Sadness Sad Tragedy Vegas Las Vegas Happiness And Sadness

Author:Artie Lange

“I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting.”

Knows Stuff Exciting Gambling

Author:Artie Lange

“At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota”

Kids Lines Gambling Backyards Minnesota Mirages Kids Playing

Author:Artie Lange

“I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.”

Ifs Would Be Running Guy One Thing Type Tomorrow Gun Tables Awful Clock Tonight Gambling Cuba Noon Type Of Guy Roulette

Author:Artie Lange

“And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.”

Looks Stars

Author:Artie Lange

About the Author

Born: October 11, 1967
Known for: Actor
Quotes: 69

Books & Sources

Crash and BurnRelated source material

Too Fat to FishRelated source material

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