Crash and Burn
A source page for quotes linked to Artie Lange.
Related Quotes
Source: Crash and Burn
“You haven’t lived till you’ve played Scrabble in a psych ward.”
“My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.”
Source: Too Fat to Fish
Source: Crash and Burn
“I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.”
“The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.”
“If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.”
“Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.”
“If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?”
“In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.”
“Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.”
“I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.”
“A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.”
“The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.”
“When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.”
“By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.”
“Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.”
“'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.”
“Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.”
“I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.”
“I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.”
“I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.”
“I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.”
“I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.”