Quotessence
Home / Authors / Bill Hicks
Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleKnowsHumorThinkingFunnyIfsDrugRevolutionary IdeasBelieveWorldAmericaWantComedyJesusWarI BelieveWayLeftYearsChildren

Famous Bill Hicks Quotes

“I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.”

KnowsWayChildrenI CanBookNightJesusLeftInterestingRaceWonderKingsOur ChildrenCelebrateGiantsAustraliaEggsChocolateResurrectionEasterRabbitsReally InterestingBunniesJesus ResurrectionKedsChocolate EggsBunny Rabbits
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.”

KnowsIdeasKidsJobsUsedHouseLostWifeCarDrugBeatsSorryHonestlyAssLaughedGreat TimesVery PopularHad A Great Time
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm... Sounds like... every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that's the connection they're trying to make.”

ThinkingKnowsTryingTwoCausesSoundTelevisionConnectionsCourtDefinitionsSupremeArtisticMeritTwinsSupreme CourtPornographyGumChewingHmm
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country... How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?”

IfsKnowsCountryLawPoliticalRealizingHoursFourHappenedFieldsArmsYeahGreenGladOur CountryGrassJustifyOne TimePsychedelicHazardsMushroomsGreen Grass
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.”

KnowsMenKindRunningKidsRememberGuyMy OwnFrontsStandingGasStanding OutEightyOwn BusinessRivalryPull UpsMinding My Own Business
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever”

IfsKnowsWorldYearsHumansTogetherHuman BeingsSpacePoorPayRaceForeverWeaponsDollarsDefenseNuclearClothingsNuclear WeaponsFeedingExcludedOuter Space
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.”

KnowsFeelsFactsRealityDiesEnjoyFantasyInformationReadyDutyEternalLet MePopsChosenAll TimeEveningSmokeBubblesEternal LifeSmokersHurlingBack To Reality
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image

“I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.”

IfsThinkingKnowsYearsBigsRememberSpeakFiveJokesLet MeQuittingHolesEveningFive YearsSmokingNecksCigaretteShowing UpRemember MeMicsGood Evening
Author:Bill Hicks
Create image