“People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, "Just joking."” PeopleThinkingWritingEndsTurnsSexObjectsOughtLettersComplainingComplaintsEighty Author:Dave Barry
“Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years.” ThinkingNeedsYearsGovernmentPoliticalMillionsProgramFederal GovernmentGovernment Programs Author:Dave Barry
“Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.” IfsThinkingWayFirstsLooksLittlesPersonsEndsSelfPlayFactsEarthCertainWaterSpringSatisfiedPlentyFranklinPassengersPunOverboardLifeboatsPersons LovePlay On Words Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
“The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.” ThinkingImportantFunnyAmericaHumorousImportant ThingsLeavingCommunicateShirtsSubtleListenersRefrainNuanceGrabbingUnsaidEuphemism Book:Dave Barry Does Japan Source: Dave Barry Does Japan
“Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.” IfsThinkingFunnyNamesDogHumorousServantDesignerClothings Author:Dave Barry
“I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.” ThinkingFunnyGuySexPeriodsCapableHumorous Book:Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys Source: Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
