Quotessence
Home / Authors / Dave Barry
Dave Barry

Dave Barry Quotes

Author

Filter quotes by topic

AllFunnyIfsPeopleHumorousHumorThinkingKnowsWayYearsTryingWantMenPersonsWorldShouldComputerLiteratureLooksNeedsBook

Famous Dave Barry Quotes

“The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other.... While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most settings, uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS."”

PeopleMindMeanCareBrainTvsInternetComputerIntelligentInternationalDetailsDon't CareSettingSettingsIntimateGiantsDestroyingShockingWorthlessMean PeopleRottingExchangingDrivel
Author:Dave Barry
Create image

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.”

MenYearsLongProblemTurnsNextTroubleThousandSixComputerSolutionsFairsLet MeImportanceCleanNotionObviousSecretaryThousand YearsConferencesHouseworkChoresHousekeepingClean HouseCharadesBermuda
Book:The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry
Create image

“Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . . Today's government uses computers which are capable of cranking out millions of documents per day without any regard whatsoever for their content, thereby freeing government employees for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones.”

ImportantUseGovernmentWould BeTodayLevelsResponsibilityMillionsComputerCapableFunctionRegardPhonesEmployeeEfficiencyDocumentsEffectivenessGovernment Employees
Author:Dave Barry
Create image

“If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?”

PeopleIfsHumorTodayFunnyLandFoodComputerHumorousCrossesInstrumentsFlyingCoveredBottlesAirplaneFogSandwichesAirlineLiquorRadarRunwayAir TravelBologna
Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Create image