“I don't mind most religious people, I talk to them. I listen to them, you know, banging on. "I prayed very hard and then the fairy came." "Did he? Good. Have a biscuit." I only get annoyed when they try and make me see the fairy. "You have to let the fairy into your heart." Look, I wouldn't let him into my garden, okay? I'd shoot him on sight, if he existed, which he doesn't. Now have another biccie and be quiet, will you please?” PeopleIfsKnowsTryingMindLooksHeartHardReligiousPleaseQuietGardenSightFairyAnnoyedBangingBiscuits Author:Dylan Moran
“Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.” TryingLooksHumorFunnyFacesBowls Author:Dylan Moran
“I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.” PeopleIfsTryingShowsEnjoyInterestFineAnalysing Author:Dylan Moran
“I always try to address where I am. I'll talk to the people and try to find out what it is about that particular place that makes it distinct from everywhere else.” PeopleTryingParticularAddresses Author:Dylan Moran
“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.” ThinkingTryingLooksHumorFunnyComedyInstinctCandidatesSoupPrimeval Author:Dylan Moran
“I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.” TryingMovingDrawsTargetBeads Author:Dylan Moran
“You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.” TryingHumorFunnyGrowing UpGrowingVariousBulldozersForeign Service Author:Dylan Moran
“I would never really analyse what I do. I leave that to other people - I'm not a critic. I just want to get on with whatever I have in hand, you know? Just try to make the best job of the available material.” PeopleKnowsWantTryingHandsJobsMaterialsCriticsAvailableBest Job Author:Dylan Moran
“Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.” TryingYearsStuffRoundsSensible Author:Dylan Moran
“What I prefer is an audience who listen. And are intelligent. Which I try and assume every audience is. And that if something goes wrong, it's generally my fault and not theirs.” IfsTryingAudienceIntelligentAssumingFaults Author:Dylan Moran
“When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I was 19 when I first went to a comedy club - I wanted to do it, so I gave it a try and that was it. I found my office.” TryingFirstsChildrenMadeWantedFoundSimpleWatchesLaughingComedyOfficeClubsBoredomAttackingComedy Clubs Author:Dylan Moran
