“I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.” ThinkingShouldHumorFunnyYeahRainbowNailsBeardFlingFrisbee Author:Dylan Moran
“You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"” ThinkingHumorFunnyGuyMagicLandButtonsMonkeysSandwichesTrays Author:Dylan Moran
“You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.” ThinkingKnowsPersonsHas BeensArtHumorFunnyTalkingNiceModernLike YouListeningEuropeTheaterYeahCriticalGermanyAffable Author:Dylan Moran
“I have to say, as much I am respectful of people's faith and the idea of it being necessary for them, but when it comes to the Catholic church as an organization I don't have one scintilla of compassion, understanding, anything. I just think they're the most heinous, corrupt, separatingly vile organization that's ever been on the planet.” PeopleThinkingIdeasUnderstandingChurchCompassionPlanetsOrganizationCatholicRespectfulCatholic Church Author:Dylan Moran
“I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.” ThinkingMadeHardLaughing Author:Dylan Moran
“You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them.” PeopleThinkingKnowsWritingSometimesEnjoyDifferencesChanceFailingLuckyAlways Learning Author:Dylan Moran
“The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.” ThinkingWritingI CanWould BeWaitingPiecesReadyTrumpElectionSensible Author:Dylan Moran
“I think I still get something from the original broadcaster but I'm certainly not aware of any Netflix van driving to my house and unloading a load of cash into my front yard.” ThinkingStillsHouseFrontsOriginalsDrivingCashLoadYardsVansNetflixBroadcasters Author:Dylan Moran
“I think of myself as a theatre comic instead of club comic because I tend to talk for a bit before I start being funny. I don't really do the one-liners and five second bits or whatever. But it's good to work stuff out sometimes.” ThinkingSometimesStuffBitsFiveClubsTheatreComicOne LinerBeing Funny Author:Dylan Moran
“I have used that song ["50ft Queenie"] and I'm a big PJ Harvey fan. I think she's fantastic.” ThinkingBigsUsedSongFansFantasticHarveyPjsPj Harvey Author:Dylan Moran
“I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand how someone deems it necessary if somebody is in power to tear them down - I think that's really crucial. I make a lot of mean jokes about myself; as a theme, suffering seems to me a very interesting thing for comedy, but not the suffering of a particular individual.” PeopleIfsThinkingMeanI CanSeemsSufferingIndividualInterestingComedyTearsParticularJokesBoringThemeCrucialVery InterestingInteresting Things Author:Dylan Moran
“In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.” ThinkingLaughingMy FamilyPersonal LifeMake Me Laugh Author:Dylan Moran
“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.” ThinkingTryingLooksHumorFunnyComedyInstinctCandidatesSoupPrimeval Author:Dylan Moran
“Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.” ThinkingWayBookBlackTraditionalOld FashionedTheatricalSitcomFormatBlack Books Author:Dylan Moran
“I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.” ThinkingOfficeVery GoodSitcomProgrammes Author:Dylan Moran
“I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.” PeopleThinkingNeedsBodyBigsHonestYeahGet UpBeing HonestNationalismSoapbox Author:Dylan Moran
“Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.” ThinkingWorldFirstsHelpingHumorFunnyWalksRoomsStealingHotelCoatsPlaces In The WorldHotel Rooms Author:Dylan Moran
“Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.” ThinkingHumorFunnyComedyBalanceMess Author:Dylan Moran
“Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!” ThinkingDreamHumorFunnyImagineDare Author:Dylan Moran
“Love in all its forms is very difficult ... to express. It changes, obviously. If you’re young, and you’re romantically in love with somebody, and often if you’ve just met somebody, its crazy! It’s completely overwhelming. You can’t think of anything else. You just want to climb inside the other person and live under their pancreas. And then it mellows, somewhat... to the point where you can barely look at them... without feeling a mild distaste” IfsThinkingWantLooksPersonsFeelingsFormYoungDifficultChangeCrazyMetsClimbsOverwhelmingDistastePancreas Author:Dylan Moran
“You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.” ThinkingKnowsFirstsLooksSometimesHeavenMorningGlassesCoffeeFantasticCigaretteLook At YourselfBlack Books Author:Dylan Moran
“I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.” IfsThinkingWantI CanHelpingHumorFunnyTurnsVery GoodSandwichesCanteen Author:Dylan Moran
“I do think it's perfectly natural and human to want to invest belief in something. It's just a facet of who we are. What do I believe in? I believe in the obvious things. The people I'm close to and my work - it's not complicated.” PeopleThinkingWantBelieveHumansBeliefI BelieveNaturalObviousI Believe InComplicatedWho We AreWorking ItFacetsObvious ThingsPerfectly Natural Author:Dylan Moran
“What is universal can be surprising. Over time you find the kind of stuff which has people thinking 'That is just something that occurred to me there's something wrong with me', is in fact stuff that is universal.” PeopleThinkingKindFactsStuffUniversalSurprising Author:Dylan Moran
“America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work harder than everyone else I can think of.” ThinkingI CanTwoAmericaLawWeekHard WorkEthicsHarderWorkersHolidayWork EthicTwo WeeksIn-lawsWork HarderNon Stop Author:Dylan Moran
“The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.” PeopleThinkingFeelsCareLinesVery GoodTerrorBunchDo You Care Author:Dylan Moran
“My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, 'What did I do today?' It doesn't have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something.” ThinkingLooksFeelingsTodayLinesBedBoredom Author:Dylan Moran
