“I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?” IfsWellsI CanHumorFunnyLakesWhat IfSwimCrash Author:Dylan Moran
“There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok, can we get 8 of those please, give us 8 of those." There's the other one, you know, where you go "Ga... bt... Jesus, WHAT is that?" Very, very occasionally I concede you will hit a subtle one. You know, where you go "Ga... ba... ah, actually that's not that bad, that is. It's quite nice."” KnowsGivingWellsTwoHumorFunnyJesusNiceTypeDrinkPleaseWineSubtle Author:Dylan Moran
“People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know... People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they want more love or attention, or what it is, but they always go for the most obvious place, you know? Here... Well if you really want more attention, why not get them in your eyes? And then move your eyes down to where your nipples used to be, put your breasts up on your head, everybody will pay attention!” PeopleIfsKnowsWantWellsHumorEyeFunnyMovingUsedPayAttentionObviousUsed To BePay AttentionBreastsWhy NotDepressingRoutesImplantsNipples Author:Dylan Moran
“Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.” KnowsWellsHumorFunnyLife IsSexCitiesConversationIncludingPhonesCoffeeArticlesMobileUnhealthyMobile Phones Author:Dylan Moran
“And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.” PeopleWellsKindStillsDoneHumorFunnyTurnsJesusHavens Author:Dylan Moran
“The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself.” PeopleIfsFeelsWellsMightRoomsTalkingListeningConversationRecognitionMutualTalking To Yourself Author:Dylan Moran
“I just wish I had longer. It's very frustrating. As you know, to people over here, cities like [Washington] D.C. are iconic. We know them so well. It's very frustrating to be in one of them for 36 hours and have a show to do because you can't really do anything.” PeopleKnowsWellsShowsWishHoursCitiesFrustratingIconic Author:Dylan Moran
“America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.” PeopleWantWellsKindAmericaCultureIncrediblesImmigrantsMosaics Author:Dylan Moran
“I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well.” PeopleFeelsWellsHeardAshamedSiteDelightedNewts Author:Dylan Moran
“I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I'm not too good!” WellsHumorFunnyHateLevelsTasteI HateMeatVegetarianVegetablesHardcore Author:Dylan Moran
“When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.” WritingMindWellsI CanEnoughRunningWalksSpeechFishing Author:Dylan Moran
