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Greg Gutfeld

Greg Gutfeld Quotes

Television Personality

Greg Gutfeld, born on September 12, 1964, is a well-known television personality in the United States. He has made a name for himself in the television industry with his unique sense of humor and candid remarks as a host of various television shows.

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All Ifs People Thinking Politics Knows Evil Republican Government Black Problem Should Use Want World America Looks Needs Rich Running Children

Famous Greg Gutfeld Quotes

“If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it.”

Ifs Persons Two Remember Young Cameras Forgiving Idiot Scar Hiring

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“Delayed gratification is the one thing we ignore these days. And if you delay it, it becomes more pleasurable later in life.”

Ifs One Thing These Days Delay Gratification Delayed Later In Life Delayed Gratification

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense?”

Ifs Doe Age College Make Sense Smoking Pot Drank Smoking Pot

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.”

Ifs Heart Trash Right Place Trash Cans

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“It's easy to whip up resentment against anything that smacks with authority. Nobody ever organizes over pan handlers. So even if a cop is black, like the three arrested in Baltimore, or one dead in Mississippi, the hard left uses race as the underlying cause. It's why there are no defiant marches when policemen are killed.”

Ifs Hard Use Three Left Causes Easy Black Race Authority March Resentment Cop Organize Policemen Arrested Whips Mississippi Smack Baltimore

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.”

Ifs Chance Unborn Surveys Solar Power

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“They [policemen] are in a profession that if you do the job incorrectly, or proceeding incorrectly, it's over for you because there isn't any supporter backup. If you make a mistake as a plumber, you know, you fix it and everything goes on or you get sued. But if you make a mistake as a cop, you are more infamous than Jesse James, everything's over.”

Ifs Knows Jobs Mistake Goes On Profession Cop Supporter Policemen Proceeding Infamous Plumber Backup

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If you're a Republican and rich, that's evil. But if you're a Democrat and rich, that's great.”

Ifs Evil Rich Republican Democrat

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race? No, but if somebody says, hey, 5 km. You go, 5km sounds pretty impressive.”

People Ifs Thinking Running Sound Race Charity Miles Hey Impressive Metrics Metric System

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia.”

Ifs Would Be Earth America Military Russia Military Power

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.”

People Ifs Car What If Fatality

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“It goes back to the if identity becomes your achievement, what do you do, this is what happens? And I do think it leads to psychological disorders. You have to start doing things and stop thinking about yourself.”

Ifs Thinking Happens Identity Achievement Psychological About Yourself Disorder Thinking About You Thinking About Yourself Psychological Disorders

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“Paternity, paternity. Let's think about this. This discriminates against the childless. So you get a year off because you produce a brat. If anything if you have a child you should work more because your brat's going to annoy me at the restaurants.”

Ifs Thinking Should Years Children Produce Restaurants Annoying Brat

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If the immigrant is responsible for assimilation of the country, and some of these people are in fact are born there. But if you find it unwelcoming to your own barbaric notions of equality, that is not on the country, that is on you. If you leave a horrible place, please leave your horrible practices behind.”

People Ifs Country Facts Born Behinds Practice Please Responsible Notion Horrible Immigrants Assimilation Barbaric

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.”

Ifs Knows Facts Fun Eating Tiny Apples Pigs Adorable

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If you throw the baby away, that's garbage. But no, the heart's precious. You could get something, you could save a life. Well, you just threw away a baby but the heart's valuable. That's the horror and the terror and the hypocrisy that nobody can understand. We base communities on the idea of protecting children based on the sacrifice of adults. Adults work and die so that their next generation would grow and prosper.”

Ifs Wells Heart Children Ideas Dies Next Grows Community Generations Sacrifice Baby Horror Adults Terror Valuable Hypocrisy Garbage Next Generation Save A Life Protecting Children

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“The inevitability of abortion. But I refuse to accept the amoral consequences that are even far worse than that, which is harvesting them because we decided that as an adult society, we can use children to make our lives better, if you seek the reverse.”

Ifs Children Use Accepting Our Lives Adults Consequence Decided Refuse Abortion Reverse Inevitability

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“You also wonder if a restaurant placed an ad that read, "Only homeless need apply," would they get fined? Probably not. But if they said, "No homeless apply," they would be transient bigots. For as bureaucrats use language to punish the lawful, they use tolerance to coddle the troubled.”

Ifs Needs Said Use Would Be Language Wonder Tolerance Restaurants Ads Homeless They Said Transient Bureaucrats Bigots

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand.”

Ifs Kids School Republican Libertarian Faster Public School Public Health

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“We used to actually kill each other before we discovered rhetoric in words. If you look at other countries, there are people attacking each other in parliament and stuff.”

People Ifs Looks Country Used Stuff Other Countries Rhetoric Parliament Attacking

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If a journalist calls you a racist, chances are, all other journalists will call you a racist.”

Ifs Chance Journalist Racist Chances Are

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“You should just go, go to work, work hard, be a perfectionist, be a workhorse. If you work 10 years straight, you'll be comfortable and set for life. That is a fact.”

Ifs Should Years Hard Facts Hard Work Comfortable Perfectionist

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.”

Ifs America House Left Roots

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“How funny is it that so many professors labeled Tea Partiers as terrorists, while kissing the asses of real, bona fide terrorists? It's not funny, really. But it's the result of a simple equation: One is cool, and the other isn't. Own a gun and keep it by your bed in your remote farmhouse? You're a redneck. Purchase guns that end up killing a judge? Priceless. As long as you cling to cool, progressive beliefs that deem America evil, whatever you do is cool. And if you do it under a big fuzzy 'fro? Even cooler. Hell, if you 'fro is big enough, you could nuke an orphanage and still get tenure.”

Source: Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You

“I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.”

Ifs Knows Use Groups Raises Email Outrageous Blast Profile Using Me

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“Chris Matthews is so nuts that if he ate a snickers bar it would be cannibalism.”

Ifs Would Be Politics Bars Nuts Matthew Cannibalism Snickers

Author:Greg Gutfeld

“[Obamacare] has to be enforced because nobody wants it. This is the nature of progressive government they don't care if it's not good for you. It's good for them.”

Ifs Want Government Care Politics Don't Care Progressive Obamacare

Author:Greg Gutfeld

About the Author

Born: September 12, 1964
Known for: Television Personality
Quotes: 149

Related Topics

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Books & Sources

Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on YouRelated source material

The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony OutrageRelated source material

How To Be Right: The Art of Being Persuasively CorrectRelated source material

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