“I only read books if Voltaire's cock has been dipped in red ink and rolled over the cover.”
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Famous Greg Proops Quotes
“I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.”
“Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.”
“I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.”
“I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.”
“No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.”
“If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.”
“White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.”
“In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.”
“I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone's safety is protected.”
“If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.”
“I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.”
“Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.”
“President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.”